Trust No One.

never trusting anyone other than myself would seem to me to be a very sad and lonely way to live. the friendships that i have had have always grown and been cemented through trust.

if you truly feel that you can trust no-one, i can understand your moniker and you-Rdoomed.

There are people in my life that I can trust implicitly and without any reservation whatsoever. My mom (while she was alive), my dad, my husband to name the most important.

I could leave my husband in a room full of beautiful wonderful women and not have one iota of fear or jealousy that he would in any way shape or form stray. His integrity and strength of character are -that- strong.

My parents have been 100 percent in my corner through thick and thin. Believe me, there has been some REALLY thick and REALLY thin in my life. I could count on them loving me totally unconditionally. They were/are the MOST unselfish, honest to a fault, people I have ever met and I have been privileged and blessed to have them raise me.

I can't imagine going through life feeling as though I couldn't totally trust -anyone-. Damn, what a horridly lonely and isolated feeling that I don't wish on anyone.

But I didn't connect it to not trusting people until you just said that.

I think, as you mentioned earlier, it might just be a phase you're going through right now. But I also think you NEED to go through it, as part of regaining and maintaining a sense of control over your own life. And as part of what you need to do to heal.

One day, you'll be ready. That's just my humble opinion.

I felt just like you my dear weR. My husband is the only person that I trust 100%. I never felt like I do with him. I know that he will never judge me. I know he thinks I'm perfect for him. I know he's perfect for me. I know that I can tell him ANYTHING. I know I can talk to him about ANYTHING that may be on my mind at any time.

When I was with my ex, I felt just as you do now. My mother is not someone I could ever turn to if it had anything to do with emotions. My dad wasn't much a part of my life until I was in my 20's. And even though our relationship is a million times better than it ever has been, there's only one person I know I can confide in 100%... That's my husband. I couldn't ask for better.

I know both sides. If you ever need to vent, you know how to find me... Even if it's via contact author. ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

I could leave my husband in a room full of beautiful wonderful women and not have one iota of fear or jealousy that he would in any way shape or form stray. His integrity and strength of character are -that- strong.

Awww. Mine too! Aren't we lucky!

Yes we are!

Well, when you hold your hand out, you have to trust that the other person won't let you fall.

You can take that literally or metaphorically. Just because someone HAS let you fall doesn't mean that every time you extend your hand, you'll get the same result.

Hey, that was a relatively good childhood memory.

I mean, they DID pull me out of the water, you know? They didn't just let me drown.

And, I did learn to swim, a bit, eventually.

I'd rather trust and be disappointed than never trust at all.

A very wise sentiment with a very zen flavor.

Thanks for the add, by the way. Belatedly - I stepped away from the craziness elsewhere for a bit today.

No worries, Infohack. It's been a bit surreal.

And that probably only sounds zen because I like bumperstickers. ;-)

What is so great about trust that is warrants willingly being disappointed?

It's nice not having to deploy the peripherals constantly, I guess. For me, that takes a lot of energy. I'd rather take people at their word than make them prove themselves over and over. That takes a lot of energy for me, too. I prefer to spend it on other things. :-)

Everyone is an individual, and not everyone is untrustworthy.

Life is a risk. Either we take the risk and accept the consequences, or we choose to not engage that person because we, for whatever reason, don't feel compatible.

Trust, however, is something that would have to come from a 'reason' to trust them or not with our confidences, because something has already happened to cause us to feel they are 'untrustworthy.'

In other words, 'trust' wouldn't be something I would consider for a 'casual' friendship/relationship as a necessary qualification, imo, because there won't be issues of 'trust' involved. In a close relationship --- it definitely needs to be there.

Love it! ROFL!

Geezer makes a great point. The lesson taught by the father wasn't wariness or skepticism, it was distrust and betrayal. And that can lead to the desire for revenge.

a Jewish story

An "an eye for an eye" was originally a Jewish concept, after all.

And thanks to you too, Geezer, for the change in color. Always nice to see new blue comments ;)

I already told my mother that she'll be in a nursing home.

An "an eye for an eye" was originally a Jewish concept, after all.

It's part of the Code of Hammurabi.

Thank you for your response comment.....

From the angle I perceive you are operating from a point of need for self protection to feel happy is implied to me.....

My worry is that true love has an almost absolute prequesite that a certain level of vulnerabilty be present...."trust".....which if you choose not to make possible for yourself you may not find again.....

Thus, my comment is based on the hope you will find a happy life ahead of you and not have that made less likely IF you choose to trust a few other people IF they demonstrate that that trust is justified.....

I do NOT advocate blindly trusting everyone but instead feel that carefully and selectively trusting a few others may lead to more life happiness as that trust may be reciprocated and thus also become a source of comfort and joy to you.

Regards,

USC

I asked in an earlier post, but what is so special or good about trusting people that you should force yourself to do it even when it feels wrong?

Oooh, that's different from what I thought you meant before. I wouldn't advise trusting someone when it feels wrong.

I don't feel sad about not trusting people. I feel better.

Personally, I think that's good for you right now.

Trust is one of those qualities that you are expected to have even when it hurts you. Why?

I don't believe that, myself. And I wouldn't KEEP trusting someone who has proven to be unworthy of it. I just don't approach everyone or every situation from an automatically mistrustful point of view. That's all I meant.

Trust is one of those qualities that you are expected to have even when it hurts you. Why? Who decided Trust was one of the qualities that makes a good person?

I agree with you on this! No way are we ever expected to "trust" someone just for the heck of it. If we have a 'gut' feeling that a person we just met might want to hurt us in some way---we have every right to go with that instinct. I also agree that being 'trustworthy' is not enough in our assessment of what good is.

Sounds like it might be a traditional, hand-me-down, kind of exaggerated wisdom parable, maybe just a joke?

Might have to kick gramps in the teeth first.

There ya go!

I do not strive for it, because it is not obtainable. Nor is it important. (To me)

I was born alone.

I live my life alone.

I will die alone.

(And to answer before anybody asks, yes, I am married and I have children.)

Very true.

Love and trust are intertwined when love is in full bloom.

I do not pretend that trusting everyone all the time is a good idea. But if anyone chooses to trust no one then that person will become isolated from others who love them and enter a downward spiral from which there is no escape.

So while I do not argue that WeRdoomed has the right to feel as she does right now, at the same time, I do not want to encourage her to remain fully in the "I trust no one" mode forever as I feel that will lead her to greater unhappiness.

Learn to recognize who you can trust, and do not allow those that have abused your trust to get into a position to do it again.

And - above all - do not allow the wrongdoing of others to cause your own life to become negative and self-demeaning. Learn your lesson and return to happiness for yourself and for those that you love around you......

Love and trust are intertwined when love is in full bloom.

That, my friend, is strictly an opinion with no basis in fact.

But if anyone chooses to trust no one then that person will become isolated from others who love them and enter a downward spiral from which there is no escape.

Again, there is no truth to that. Maybe it depends on what your defination of "isolated" is, but to me, lack of trust has nothing to do with isolating yourself.

I do not want to encourage her to remain fully in the "I trust no one" mode forever as I feel that will lead her to greater unhappiness.

Obviously I disagree with you here. I think the "Trust No One" mode is absolutely the correct way to be.

And - above all - do not allow the wrongdoing of others to cause your own life to become negative and self-demeaning. Learn your lesson and return to happiness for yourself and for those that you love around you......

Again, what does trust have to do with any of that? Why is trusting other people a vital part of your own happiness? I see that as an absolute weakness on your part. Choosing to trust is one thing. Depending on it is something else all together.

Your own happiness should never ever depend on somebody elses actions. Thats absolutely absurd. (In my opinion)

I love my wife. I love my children. I love the few people that I consider my friends. Theres nothing I will not do for these people. I would absolutely die for any of them, including those I consider my friends.

But I do not trust any of them without question. I trust them to a degree, but...that trust has a limit and it's not a very big one.

People suck. It's that simple. People are self serving creatures who will sell you out in a heartbeat if it serves their purpose to do so. You see it every day, just as I do.

So....we will just have to agree to disagree.

Do you trust them with your lives? And I do mean literally. Would you trust them to put their lives on the line for you? Or to die for you if necessary?

I absolutely trust my husband with my life.

Your own happiness should never ever depend on somebody elses actions. Thats absolutely absurd. (In my opinion)

I agree with that. I found happiness within myself [after I left my 1st husband], but I had to have the ability to be myself first. I wasn't myself with my 1st husband... I couldn't be. So, how could I be happy if I couldn't actually be myself? I needed the freedom to be me to be happy. I still have that freedom with my current [and last I'll ever have] husband. He has that freedom too. Sometimes, when the people in your life make you feel as if you're imprisoned, you cannot be yourself.

Does that make more sense?

You won't believe until you can be you. I know some of your back story... And I know that right now, you're not able to be you. Not 100% anyways.

There is something inside me that lets me see it, but it stops me from going inside.

Here ya go weR. This song always help me when I'm feeling a little cut off from people:

Gotta Knock a Little Harder

Sorry, didn't mean to bold that.

It's from Mai Yamane & The Seatbelts, from the Cowboy Bebop OST (anime).

Love that song!

Someone earlier mentioned Love, and I would suggest that love is trust and nothing can equal it. True, depending on the time frame, it may not be worth it, but having people trust you is nothing like you trusting them. If life is to be lived now, five years of being loved, and loving, even if it's not true, is well worth the pain one feels later. So much so, you might be tempted to either deny its gone, or just keep chasing it forever. It's a great high while it lasts, but few things last forever.

In my mind, I addressed this a lot more effectively, but this is the best I can do for now.

I agree with this statement now, but I wouldn't have 8 + years ago.

I agree, for the most part.

"Trust" is really nothing more than an organized structure of feelings nailed to an emotion for the sake of convenience. Now, it sort of "sets" like concrete over time, but all it takes is a nice-sized hammer and it's broken.

But like concrete, trust makes a pretty good foundation, in this case for a relationship.

Well, as I've said a couple of times already.....

To each their own.

I have been like I am since.....well, as long as I can remember. Since birth really. I have always lacked trust in other human beings and I always will. Maybe the Doctor dropped me or something. I do not know.

All I know is, i'm not giving another human being that type of power over me. And thats exactly what trust is. Power given to another person.

I'm 42 years old and i'm just fine in my own skin. I simply have no need for deep intimate contact with another human being. In fact, I do not think i'm capable of it. I am, and always have been, a very detached person. Some would even say "cold". (Yeah Anna, I remember. I still say your a crazy *$&^@$ though.)

In the end, again, to each their own.

And as for my name...don't put to much into it. It's a Judas Priest title and it's the CD I was listening to when I signed up for the 'Vine. It just sounds cool. Sorry to delate the balloon!

No deflation here. I'm not a touchy feely person, and even have trust issues, but some things are best left unsaid.

When i'm the speaker in question, alot of things are better left unsaid! I'm always saying stupid @!$%#. Rotflmao!

Phew! What a day! I hate concrete day.....

I was including myself.

Ah. Okay. I was thinkin' I had said something that offended you. Sorry!