It occurred to me recently while watching the movie 50/50 that there is a disturbing (in my opinion) trend in the way friendships are portrayed in the media.  Specifically, the difference between friendships between men vs. friendships between women and not in the way you would assume.

Despite the fact that women are cited as being "emotional" and sensitive - it is male friendships which are portrayed with depth and intrigue in movies.  The relationships between women are portrayed as shallow and/or deceptive.

Can you think of a female equivalent for movies like The Shawshank Redemption?  Is there any example of a female friendship that doesn't use being scorned by a lover as an emotional crutch?

This is particularly upsetting in an age when we have yet to succeed in having a say in our reproductive health (all-male panel speaking before Congress about birth control, anyone?).  Friendships are crucial for emotional support and richness in life.  Sincere friendships give a kind of freedom to the one in the relationship and the fact that women have so few examples or role models of this very important relationship is disturbing.

There are movies that boast a female-female lead.  But the connection is often shallow and almost exclusively relies on the betrayl of a lover or romantic heartbreak to set the stage.  The few examples of female-female led  movies that were more substantial than the aforementioned theme were mostly flops at the box office.

Of course, I may be looking at this entire situation through gray-colored glasses as a bitter, female-friendless dame myself.  What do you think?

The irony of women being subjugated, objectified, and abused is that we are largely in control of raising the little boys that grow into the men that perpetrate these mentalities.  We are also largely in control of raising the little girls that grow in the women that tolerate these mentalities.

But let's focus on the boys.

Even in Western Society, women still bear the majority of the burden (or blessing!) in child-rearing.  Therefore, the mother is mostly responsible for how a boy views women and ultimately, how he treats them.

If chivalry is dead, mothers killed it.  Manners, sensitivity, and compassion can be taught.  If a boy lacks them it is usually because he was instructed on the fine art.  That is the fault of the primary care-giver. 

There are two ways to teach a boy how to properly treat a woman.  One is by example - the way a woman allows herself to be treated by men and how she demands to be treated by them.  The other is by outright verbal instruction.

We keep looking at society as a whole for the continual demise of marriage and intimate relationships: the inability of men and women to have loving and devoted relationships to one another -- the prevalence of adultery.  This is one of those situations that demand we not look at the "big" picture and instead take a look at the tiny picture...the relationship between mother and son.

Often touted as the epitome of compassion and "motherly love", I observe women to be more petty and more vicious in their social starvation of "enemies" than a man could ever dream to be.  Lacking physical force, they can be disturbingly cunning in their vitriolic and systematic verbal assassinations of those whom they do not approve.

Interestingly, this largely ignored feature of the fairer sex is most poisonous to other women.  Perhaps it is in our DNA to attempt to make other women who would otherwise be competition for the fittest male look like a pathetic choice for him.  Just look at how women react when they find out another woman is having an affair, for example.

Here is a quote from a female Viner regarding a 96-year old woman whose 99-year old husband is divorcing her after he found out she had an affair in the 1940's:

Fact of the matter is she's a liar and a cheat. One step up from a common whore, in my book.

And here is a comment from a man regarding the Tiger Woods sex scandal:

Elin should forgive and forget to make the marriage work. Forgiving is the first step. One transgression does not wreck a marriage. We are all imperfect.

Here is a what a woman thought about the situation:

I thnik that everyone should leave me Tiger Woods alone. It is nobody's business and I guess that is no other news that is why everyone is staying on this story. He is handsome and his wife is beautiful and they need to try and make this work in spite of all this crap.

Women are hard-wired to be the emotional and/or physical slaves of men.  It's not easy to overcome your basic instincts.  Women want to absolve, excuse, and show compassion for the errors of men.  But they are wholly incapable of extending that to their fellow womankind.  Perhaps that is hard-wired too.

There is a reason women are so subjugated and I think that reason is because, in many cases, they want to be.  They are designed for it.  They strip themselves of female friends and support so when they are in vulnerable situations, they often have no one to turn to whom they can really trust.

Women are incapable of being true friends to one another.  They are too concerned with eachother's business...and too judgemental when one of them makes a mistake. 

Men, on the other hand, like to stay out of their friend's business.  And they tend to live up to the word: LOYALTY.  Women invented the concept of "backstabbing" and they just can't keep their pretty lips shut when a girl is in the wrong. 

A woman president?  Someday...but she'd be a fool to take a female vice president!

Black, reflective, small, or huge celebrity-style - - everyone looks better in sunglasses. The amount of attractiveness in which your appearance increases varies from person to person, but everyone looks more attractive in sunglasses.

I always reserve judgement for whether someone is pretty or handsome until they remove their shades. I would say attractiveness drops by 10-70% once the shades are removed so you don't want to jump to any conclusions too soon.

Also, when I was single, I refrained from hitting on anyone until I saw them with their sunglasses off. I am, therefore, equally suspricious of anyone who enters the indoors with their shades on and doesn't remove them. What are they trying to hide?

It's odd too because eyes are the "windows to the soul" and since sunglasses make you more attractive that must mean that the soul has little to do with initial attractiveness. Maybe it's the vulnerability of the eyes that makes us uncomfortable?

How do you rate in a good pair of shades? How much better do YOU look behind your specs?

In a relatively recent political evolution, the social "values" a person has have been attached to a political spectrum. This presents a great deal of frustration for people who, in the past, may have been politically conservative, but socially liberal...or vice versa.

Today, the political spectrum you identify with comes with a chunk of social values that you are assumed to have.

Liberal women, for example, are largely considered career-oriented, pro-education (often highly educated themselves), they don't wear make-up or heels, may not shave, and they eat organic. If you stray from this mold, your political views will be subject to scrutiny.

Furthermore, this false mold (which is applied to all people, conservative and liberal, men and women - though this article is focusing on liberal women) influences how liberal men behave towards liberal women.

In a liberal/liberal relationship, a man doesn't open doors, remember anniversary dates, or think pregnancy is a "miracle". He shows the porn he looks at to his wife, doesn't need to ask if it's okay to hang out with his friends, and doesn't get upset when laundry is just shoved into the drawers instead of folded.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are good points to be "treated" like a liberal woman. But there are annoying aspects too. I mean, don't I enjoy a candlelight dinner as much as the next girl? And why should I be ashamed to get my hair done once in a while or worse, my nails?

When did conservative women corner the market on the "gentleman"? Has it always been this way and I'm only just noticing or are we (de)evolving to the point where we have to select our political party based on our desired relationship dynamic?

1. The way their big, muscle-y hands get that knot right between your shoulder blades out with just a few squeezes

2. How they go and squash, trap, squish, or otherwise destroy the spider that is preventing you from going into the bedroom, even if they are rolling their eyes at us

3. When they randomly include you in their enthusiasm for football, basketball, soccer, or baseball...like they have temporarily forgotten you don't care and have no clue about what they're talking about

4. The way they reach out and hold your hand like it's no big deal when you least expect it

5. How they are the last one to go to bed so they lock the doors and turn out the lights and you get to just be safe in bed

6. Jars of pickles, salsa, pig's feet, and tomato sauce - BAM! open

7. The way he forgets Valentines Day and then buys twice the chocolate and cards on the 15th because he knows it bothered you and also proudly states that it was all "1/2 off!"

8. Times when you ramble on about the kids you teach, your girlfriend's crappy boyfriend, or your mother's criticism...and he just actually listens to you, smiling

9. You come home after a long day at work and, surprise!, he made dinner....grilled cheese sandwiches and kool-aid...and it tastes so good!

10. The moment he is first vulnerable with you and lets you know a sad secret about the way he feels about his father, best friend, sister, or pet dog that passed away

11. How good he smells when he first gets out of the shower

12. The way his hair feels after he gets a buzz-cut and he keeps shooing your hand away from feeling it

13. The way he eats pizza while he has his feet up on the coffee table, watching something funny on TV and laughing out loud -- offers for you to sit next to him when you walk by

14. Moments when, the way he holds you, it really feels like making love and not just sex

15. The way he makes raunchy sex fun even when you think you're not in the mood

16. When you come up with your own inside jokes and he doesn't mind bringing them up in public to make you laugh

Last Wednesday, my husband and I got the "mother of all ultra sounds" which checks baby's vital organs and gender (if you so choose).

There have not been any girls born into my husband's family in the last 60 years. He also has a son from a previous marriage. So we were not surprised to hear "It's a boy!" from the nurse.

Now that I know, it is much easier to plan and imagine what life might be like in a few years though, in reality, I probably have no idea. I have a brother who was a great big brother and he was not a "macho man". As matter of fact, he danced in the same ballet company as me and married one of the best ballerinas in our midst. He was and still is a clown.

My father is my hero - studies Buddhism, Aikido, and is a family therapist (though he loves his Monday night football!!). He was and still is full of wisdom that I cherish.

My husband is a scientist who loves literature and philosophy. I am surrounded by great men who enrich my life and the lives of those around them. I cannot wait to add another one to the equation.

Whether this little guy introduces us all to sports or is mastering a musical instrument, debating philosophy with his dad, or cracking jokes with his uncle - I'm thrilled and excited and eternally grateful for his apparent good health thus far.

Here's to the boys!!

The other evening, I was watching a TV documentary about Gender and the Brain -- determining the differences in the brain simply based on gender.

In one experiment - they put a baby in a virtually empty room and would then have an individual go in and change the baby's diaper. They gave no other instructions aside from "enter room, change baby's diaper, then we will come back in".

As each individual took their turn, the researchers observed, that (in general) men and women change diapers in a very similar fashion. The behavior after the diaper is change is where there is a difference.

Time after time, when I woman changed the baby's diaper, she would then pick the baby up and bounce or hold them until the researcher came back into the room.

The men, however, would just sort of look around the room awkwardly glancing from the door to the baby until the researcher returned.

But on the 62nd diaper change for the gentleman, a middle-aged man in jeans and a t-shirt, changed the baby's diaper just like everyone before had and then he picked the baby up, even cuddling the baby a bit and talking softly to her. The difference? This was the first man who came in who had children of his own.

So in the debate over Nature Vs. Nurture...when it comes to cuddling babies...both play a role!

High Heels have been around a long time. Almost as long as women have been oppressed. *awkward silence*

Without getting into the long, boring history of gender roles and shoe wear - let me give you the "high"lights.

First, shoes were historically used a symbol of status (e.g. rich people have shoes, poor people don't). The high heel is credited to Queen Catherine (wife of Henry II of France). She apparantly had the shoe fashioned specifically for her to meet her desire to appear taller though there is evidence that Italians were wearing "raised shoes" (more like platform shoes today), this was the first instance described in which a shoe was given height in only the heel.

Of course, the forever fashion-conscious French caught on to the trend right away (back in the day when royalty dictacted the fads). In those days, men and women wore heels as a symbol of wealth. During the French Revolution, heels fell out of fashion almost entirely (due to their association with Aristocracy). But, in the late 1800's they made a comeback ... for some reason, almost exclusively with women.

So, you see, it can be argued that the high heel really had little or nothing to do with the sexism and female oppresion it is commonly associated with today.

Fast forward and you have the variety of high heels known today: kitten, prism, spool, and the ever-sexy, stiletto.

Recently, I read of the (obvious?) physical complications caused by high heel wearing: tighter calf muscles and shorter achilles tendons. These are pretty unpleasant conditions that, as a ballet dancer, I can tell you will cause unnecessary pain. The solution is pretty simple: 1) stretch your calf muscles before and after wearing high heels and 2) give your feet a break every once in a while and wear flats.

For me, I wear heels nearly everyday to the office in the mornings. I love the way they make my legs look in a skirt and I am on the short side so they make me feel (and look) taller. I never wear anything higher than a 3-inch heel - why? Because I have found that every woman who walks in something higher looks like a T-Rex when she is walking...not pretty. I save the 4-inch heels for the bedroom (when I don't plan on doing a lot of walking *wink wink*).

So, ladies, wear your heels proudly, they aren't a sign of submission (if anything, they make a great, portable weapon for self-defense......and I've found I'm better able to get a man to submit to me while wearing them than the other way around).

Just don't forget to keep the dinosaur walking to a minimum. And stretch those calves!

I am a girl -er- a woman. I am straight. I am a straight woman.

But I have a girl crush.

She is a teacher at the school where I teach ballet. She teaches hip hop. At first, I was just impressed by her ability to bump n' grind whilst all I can do is twirl n' curtsie. "How bad ass she is!" I thought when I saw her warming up for her class. She laughed at me when I said I thought she was bad ass and we got to talking.

Turns out we're the same age and we both grew up on the East Coast. Somewhere in the midst of polite conversation, I noticed she has really nice hair. No biggie, I might wanna ask her what kinda shampoo she uses, I've done that before.

Next week, I watched the end of her class and we swapped advice on how to manage behavior in the pre-teen age group. Those little tarts can be a handful. She introduced me to her boyfriend who had come to pick her up. She told me to come early for my class the following week and she'd teach me some hip hop moves. I told my husband about her and I realized I described her as "pretty".

Then I got to thinking, yeah, she is pretty. She's a Kristen Stewart meets Angelina Jolie meets Tara Alba. I'm a a little envious of her prettiness...

Next week, she shows me some dance moves and tells me I'm a "natural". She laughs a lot and she's super nice. I tell her I'm jealous of her flat abs, she tells me she's jealous of my flexibility. We agree to coach eachother - she'll show me 8 counts of hip hop and then I'll show her 8 counts of ballet. We're friends!!

Yesterday, boyfriend comes and picks her up again and they kiss in front of me and I think 2 things: 1) Awww! That is so cute! and 2) She has kissable lips.

WTF!? I turn red. Stewart/Jolie/Alba look alike asks me if something is wrong. Ummmm....no, I stammer. I just think I might be gay!!

*sigh* of relief when I tell my husband. "You just have a girl crush is all" he says casually.

What's a girl crush?! What if it gets worse?! Maybe I should avoid her....

The oldest profession in the world. Trading sex for money.

Hookers, Whores, Call Girls, Prostitutes. For years, the idea of legalizing prostitution has been tossed around. Those who support the idea say that legalizing and regulating sex trade could help the federal and/or state budgets in terms of taxation and that it would improve the health of the citizens by limiting sexually transmitted diseases.

But prostitution is more a moral issue that a legal one. If prostitution was made legal, would it be a profession you'd hope for you child? Do we honestly believe that any prostitute can feel satisfied and content with her lifestyle? Survey any prostitute on the street today and you'll find it's all broken pasts, abuse, drugs, and insecurity. Even the most well-adjusted girls seem to battle inner demons.

It's akin to the porn industry. Porn is legal, but think to the last porn movie you watched - especially the amateur pornography that is so popular today. Do you imagine those girls are happy? Do you honestly think that, all other circumstances ideal, that that is the life they truly want for themselves?

If prostitution was made legal - do you believe that a woman could be sincerely happy and satisfied with life as a prostitute? If not, do we - as a country - have an obligation to prevent women from getting into the industry - have an obligation to ensure it stays illegal?

If you believe a woman can have a happy, fulfilling, satisfied life as a prostitute, then why isn't it legal?

"What a lame ass movie this is...22 freakin' dollars for this @!$%#? She said it was about vampires - aren't vampires supposed to be scary?...not some dopey high school kid with mood swings?...I shoulda...wait...is that her hand?......damn it is her hand!"
_______________________________

Kids are finally in bed. What a long, miserable day. Sheets are clean though, that's nice. Man, I'm wide awake!! Stupid, stupid, stupid...
"How about a massage, honey?"
A massage? What's that? ...Oh yeah...man, that feels good...alright, alright, I'll take off my shirt....
Oooo...I love it when he kisses me there...and there. Oh! I don't know...I'm so tired...
"Kiss my neck." Yeah, that feels good. Mmmm...glad I remembered to brush my teeth....
_______________________________

Foreplay. Sometimes it's subtle, a quick kiss, a brush of his fingers against your cheek. Sometimes, it's obvious, a grab your face - make you weak in the knees kiss; a firm grasp of your waist and dirty talk that only you can hear. Sometimes, it's has nothing to do with sex - he surprised you by washing the dishes, the kid's are at grandma's, or she surprises you at the office for lunch, ahem, lunch I said!

Once you get the green light, a lot of people jump right to the finish line. But what happened to getting it in gear? Fastening your safety belt? Settting the radio? There is a lot more to forplay than just getting the other person to agree to take it off.

Everyone has a favorite spot to tease. Do you know your partner's favorite spot(s)? Is it a kiss, lick, pinch, or touch that does it? How much attention does their body need before you can know you'l reach your destination?

If foreplay is a race, I intend on coming in last place.....

It is difficult for me to put the American view of men in ballet into perspective. I grew in the ballet world and the ballet school I attended had many boys. In addition, my brother also attended classes.

To ballerinas, men in the field are elegant, strong, trustworthy, and sturdy. In the typical modern ballet, a ballerina will trust her partner to lift, turn, support, and guide her body weight through complex movements. A failure of a male dancer can and has resulted in minor and serious injuries - including bruises, bumps, and even broken bones.

If a male dancer is not strong - he can hurt himself. If he is not strong - he can hurt his partner. If he is not strong - he can humiliate himself and his partner. Most modern ballets require the male dancer to lift a 110-130 pound woman over his head with one hand multiple times in a short time frame --- and make it look easy!

George Balanchine, founder of the NYC Ballet, said many times that a male dancer's only role is to make the ballerina even more beautiful.

Young male and female dancers have a different, more mature interaction with one another. For one thing, touching eachother, often in a rather intimate fashion is required. Trust is a primary component to the dance partnership; the ballerina trusts that her partner will be able to lift her, hold her, and not drop her during difficult lifts. Ballet also has elements of chivalry and, perhaps, archaic traditions (men always stand in the back of the classroom if there are women present, men bow once after a performance while the ballerina bows twice, etc.)

The men I have met in the ballet world have consistently been kinder, more respectful, more mature...and hotter! than those compared to men I've met in other areas of life (the office, the bar, the grocery store, the government!).

...And they haven't been anymore gay than them either!

The cultural stereotypes that discourage young men from taking part in ballet do not exist in Russia, and so Valery has a hard time understanding them.

Ballerinas are generally light women, but they're not so light that they can be lifted into the air and balanced without some power. And unlike an athlete who can grunt and grimace when he performs a huge leap or runs until he's used all his energy, dancers must perform their feats and stay in character, all the while disguising their heavy breathing. Russian culture views this as an entirely masculine role.

They come in all shapes and sizes, pink ribbons have made it okay to look, they are enlarged, reduced, under-wired, taped, pushed up, strapped down, and some other unmentionable things.

They give us confidence, destroy our confidence, hell, they can actually kill us! We see them everywhere. We're asked to flaunt them. We're criticized if we flaunt them. Every other person has them. Every other person wants to touch them.

They are known by many names, but only one I feel comfortable typing on the Vine...

Boobs! And while they are as varied as the women who own them, it often comes down to two categories: big and small.

In the "big" corner we have back aches, ugly bras, and the taunts of high school boys.

In the "small" corner we have baggy tops, the bruised ego, and...the taunts of high school boys.

So, while we're all having them poked and prodded. Who has it worse? The girls with boobs that are too big or the girls with boobs that are too small?

And, while we're at it, what is the "right size".

Actually, what's the big deal with boobs anyway?

I'm a Feminist, I’m progressive, liberal, and independent. So, I thought about it…should women be allowed to ask out men? Well, let me start over, that came out wrong. Of course women are allowed to ask men out, but should they?

I mulled it over with the obvious answers going through my mind before I figured it out – No! Women should not ask men out…here is why:

Men are, arguably, more focused on looks than a woman. Ultimately, he will not marry a woman he is not attracted to and I hear far more stories about women growing attracted to a man than I hear of men growing attracted to a woman.

For a man, he is attracted to a woman, learns more about her and she becomes more or less attractive as a result of what he learns.

Women are normally “won over” by a man: that can include his looks, but is also strongly tied to the amount of effort he puts into her pursuit, his personality, thoughtfulness, sense of humor, etc. Many women end up married to a man they didn’t think was all that attractive at just face value, but he turned into a delicious bowl of matrimony after the whole package was presented.

Asking a person out falls into the category of “winning over” a person – that is the man’s job. Being initially attracted enough to see if this could go anywhere – also the man’s job. Therefore, it is really putting the cart before the horse for a woman to ask a man out. If he was attracted to you, he would have already asked you out!

If he hasn’t asked you out, there isn’t enough of an initial pull for him, and that would be okay if he was a woman because you could potentially win him over. But he is a man so if he doesn’t just turn you down right there, there is a good chance he will eventually. Rejection hurts initially, but it hurts even more when you've been married with two kids and a goldfish to find out your hubby realizes he was never really all that attracted to you to begin with and he realizes he really is, however, initially attracted to that secretary in his office.

So ladies, just as sure as the sun rises, it’s a man’s job to ask a woman out. Of course, don’t let me stop you…

Just consider yourself warned.

Men cheat because...well...why the hell not?

Had a wife, but couldn't keep her....
John Edwards. Tiger Woods. Bill Clinton. Hugh Grant. Jude Law. Kobe Bryant. John F. Kennedy. Rudy Giuliani. Mark Sanford. John Ensign. Robert Livingston. David Vitter.

Husband cheats, wife leaves. Husband cheats, wife stays. The reality is that a lot of men are cheating. I would like to be fair and say so do women (and they do), but I cannot get over the idea that men and women cheat for different reasons. And I will be controverisal and say men, on the whole, cheat for shallow reasons. The reason I say this is that, if a man is honestly unhappy in a relationship, he can leave.

I know what you're thinking - a woman can leave just as easily! Not so. Women in western society are valued for their youth. It is generally accepted (though perhaps not discussed openly) that women age much more poorly than men. If a woman is married for any length of time and if she has children - her attractiveness (in the eyes of society) is greatly diminished. If she is to become unhappy in her marriage, leaving is a huge burden. Statistically:
She will have the majority of custody over her children
She will be older (duh)
She will most likely keep the house (to accomodate the children)

Three small factors that reek havoc on any chance at "starting fresh". A man, on the other hand, gains mainly freedom and a few gray hairs. Often times he will often gain a much younger wife. Lucky him.

Women stay in bad marriages because it is very hard to leave them. We are told from the beginning that each passing year reduces our desirability. And that baby weight sure isn't helping matters much.

Men cheat because...well...why the hell not?

And what is the meaning of that childhood rhyme?

Peter, Peter, Pumpkineater.
Had a wife and couldn't keep her.
He put her in a pumpkin shell.
And there he kept her
very well.