The dog ... latched his jaws around the boy's head and began shaking him, police said. The grandmother attempted to pull the boy from the dog while other family members rushed to help, police said.

Co-sleeping was also blamed in the death of their 1-month-old son Christian about a year earlier. Summa said the Clarks were warned about the dangers of sharing a bed with their baby after Christian’s death and they placed Tristian in “imminent danger” by doing it again with him.

As a stay-at-home mother with no cable, I spend a lot of time amusing myself on YouTube after the baby is in bed.  I watch so many different types of things that it is hard to pin down exactly what makes me tick. 

Last night, I started by watched a Madonna video ended up watching Art Linkletter in vintage "Kids Say the Darndest Things" segments.  I was enjoying the adorable kids and their responses when I scrolled down and read some of the comments.  

There was a lot about "how much better things were in the 50's" so I left a "cheeky" comment on one fellow who stated that "People were just classier and cooler back then...even the kids."

My reply was "I'm guessing you're a white guy and not one of the black men or women who would have been sitting on the back of the bus.  Don't forget, not everything was peachy back then.  We've come a long way."

That was it.  I didn't think it was particularly inflammatory or rude. 

The response, however, shocked me....

Black people (males) and some females rode in the back of the bus because they tripped white riders on the way by, touched white women on the way by, and made the eternal negro commesnt to white people on their way by. Understand now, dumbass - ?

What?  I have heard a lot about the Civil Rights Movement, but I have never heard that situations like requiring Black people to sit in the back of the bus was for the "safety" of white people or that it was some kind of punishment for not being a good citizen.  That was new to me.

How did this guy ever even come to this conclusion?  Was it his own design?  Was it taught to him by someone else?  The latter seems likely and I doubt it was learned in school so it must be a parent or other older person of authority in his life. 

The effects of that time period continue to impact us socially and even politically.  If children aren't being taught truth and facts about what happened then, how can we communicate effectively?

You're arguing about one thing based on false facts...and I'm talking about reality! 

How strange.  How odd.  How frightening!

"Dinosaurs" evoking unpleasant emotions? The New York Post speculated that the "dinosaurs" could "call to mind evolution, which might upset fundamentalists.”

Despite what pro-life people like to believe, choosing an abortion is not an easy decision.  However, once a woman has determined this is the best option for her circumstances, some states (like Arizona and now Texas) require the woman to receive an ultrasound before she can get the abortion.

This law appears, at least to me, to be slimy, right-wing agenda law, but I suppose you could argue otherwise.  Surely, the intended purpose of the law is to dissuade women who may be "on the fence" about the abortion.  I imagine pro-lifers think she will see the  baby and suddenly be overcome by the spirit of the Lord, call off the abortion, raise the child as a God-fearing robot and help elect Newt Gingrich into office.

However, studies suggest this is not what is happening at all.  You can read more at this seed: http://mweaver1.newsvine.com/_news/2012/02/06/10333296-study-ultrasounds-dont-stop-planned-abortions

Personally, I would like to share why it would have the opposite effect on me.

I am a new mother.  I have a son who will be 9 months old in a few days.  I adore him.  He is an absolute joy.  He has done more for me in 9 months than any other single human on earth - providing me with inspiration, love, laughter, patience, and compassion.  I love him more than I thought it was possible to love.

I remember the first ultrasound I got when I was pregnant with him.  The tech marked me as 8 weeks and 3 days along at that visit.  It was a trans-vaginal ultrasound as he was too tiny for a traditional, over the belly kind.  And when he popped up on their ginormous flatscreen - I was in awe.  I don't know if a word exists for how I felt when I saw him.

But, don't get me wrong...he didn't look like anything.  In fact, after that visit, I dubbed him "the bean".  He looked like a kidney bean. 

If I had been a woman desiring an abortion who was "on the fence", I would be dreading a mandatory ultrasound.  I would be terrified that once I saw the heart beating and the little hands and the little nose, I would never recover from the guilt.

90% of abortion are performed before 12 weeks.  So that fear would be unfounded.  I would not see a nose or hands or much of anything, but a bean.  Yes, they can show you the "heart beat" which is really just a few flickering cells that will become a heart. 

Seeing that ultrasound if the pregnancy was UNWANTED would make me breath a sigh of relief and say "that's it!?" (inside, of course). 

So, for those of you who have a fantasy that women will be reduced to pro-life soldiers just because they see a microscopic bean on a tv screen are sorely mistaken.

Love,

A Happy and Proud Mommy

Oller Sr. left the home briefly, saying "I'm gonna shut you up." He returned with a handgun and fired multiple times at his son, striking him in the arm. Oller Jr. was taken to the hospital, but at least one bullet remains in his shoulder.

Those of us involved in the art of performing know that the audience usually remembers two things: the beginning and the end.  Therefore, a successful performance needs to begin and end well.

The beginning is the part that most performers forget to pay attention to when they do forget something.  However, some performers really nail their openings and here are my top 5:

5. You know have to be a red wine drinking, classical music connoisseur to recognize the brilliance of this opening.  Is there anyone whose ear doesn't perk up when they hear this introduction?

4. This song.  Because you all know it.  And old and young love to pretend they are playing it when it comes on.  As a matter of fact, I turn my 9 month old son into a mini-guitar when I play this song.  He loves it.

3. I like it when a feel good song begins with spoken words and it makes me laugh.  Jimmy Buffet nails it with this intro.  Clearly the Cosmic Baker took us all out a little too early!  BTW - I formally refer to God as the "Cosmic Baker".

2. This intro literally blew my mind when I was around ten and heard it for the first time.  I listened to it over and over again because lines like "a voice like a horny angel" are priceless at that age.  Hell, they are priceless at any age.  Meatloaf made a priceless spoken intro for this song.  he was able to play notes...that he had never...even...heard before.

1. Lastly, this is my favorite spoken intro to any song.  The song is killer, the intro is killer, the message is killer.  The Doors rock.  You CANNOT petition the Lord with prayer!!  The beginning always reminded me of Willy Wonka...anyone?

So...which ones did I miss?

I have devised three ways that you can instantly "increase" your bottom line no matter where you work (unless you work at home).  Now, these ideas are admittedly in an ethically "gray zone" so I advise you to "give a little whistle" before attempting any of these.  However, look around you - our economy is in the crapper - and who are we kidding?  You're not getting a legitimate raise any time soon so maybe these ideas are just what you need to feel like you're getting one over on the system.

1) Never charge any of your electronic devices at home.  Charge them at the office and let your organization's electric bill pay the tab.  Your cell phone, laptop, Kindle, iPod, GPS...all of it.  Charge them all at work.  A simple yet effective way to leave more money in your pocket at the end of the month.

2) Secretaries love candy dishes.  One piece a day is more than fair so make sure you collect your share each day and stash it away for your home candy dishes.  The next holiday or dinner party you host will leave you looking gracious, generous, and not set you back a penny!

3) This last idea is for those who are really serious about saving.  It requires a ziplock baggie.  When you use the restroom, collect an extra wad of toilet paper and stash it in the ziplock baggie.  Do that everyday and you will have your own private stash of toilet paper for your home needs.  I haven't purchased a roll of toilet paper in a year! 

;-)

The couple met while studying at Eastern Asia University 10 years ago and had planned to get married for a while but Kamsook died in a car accident on Jan. 3, according to media reports. She was 29.

Female judges were more cynical and critical of other women's maternal commitment (but more interested in meeting them). Surprisingly - and to my relief - both sexes are marginally (1.1 times for men, 1.2 for women) more likely to think a woman looked more attractive with a child than when she was alone.

A message in a bottle written by a French woman describing the agony of her young son's death generated a mystery for an author determined to find the mother...

But when she is found, she feels hurt and violated.

Nothing in life is certain and for those of us who are married, the odds are often stacked against us with divorce rates, infidelity, and ever-increasing financial worries.

For those married couples who continue to navigate through the choppy waters of matrimony, what happens once your vows are "officially" fulfilled? You know, till death do us part?

If your spouse was to meet their end before you - could you picture yourself re-marrying?

If not, is it an emotional or moral barrier that would be stopping you?

On the reverse side, what would you want for your spouse if you were the first to meet your end?

What obligation do we have to our spouse once they have passed on?

I always wondered if Chinese children injure themselves on chopsticks the way our kids injure themselves with forks.

And I'm not a dog! I'm just a pregnant lady...

Often cited as an irritation by mothers-to-be, there is something about a round, protruding belly that sometimes draws peoples hands to it.

Because of our very "hands off" culture, it doesn't happen as often as it probably would in a more affectionate country (think, every Latin American culture). However, not only does it not bother me when people pat or rub my belly, I like it!

There is something very loving about the gesture that I doubt could ever "rub" me the wrong way. It is so spontaneous and gentle, often the person just places their hand on the belly - maybe hoping to feel something. The little girls in my ballet class often gently place their own little hands on my belly (sometimes all at once!) and I think it is adorable.

And I think the little guy in there can feel the love too.

Now, I have never crossed the line and ASKED someone to feel my belly. As a matter of fact, I do have some residual "blues" about my less than flattering figure. Perhaps that is why the sudden affection of someone's hands accompanied by their smile makes me feel so good. It's a confirmation that my body looks the way it should...and the automatic joy that the thought of a baby brings to even a strangers demeanor.

In closing, I would like to warn people that apparently not all women feel this way - so definitely don't take this article as a request to rub all pregnant ladies bellies - some of us apparently turn into bitches...or maybe reveal ourselves to have always been one ;-)

Have you ever rubbed a pregnant belly? Was it a positive experience?

And what about the mothers? How did you feel about finding a hand or two on your belly throughout your pregnant days?

Confidence (n)

4. A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.

While there are several definitions of the word - the above listed in the one most interesting to me. When a person we disagree with is Confident - we call them Arrogant. When a person we like is Confident - we call them, well, confident.

How does a person become confident or self-assured? Surely, having security of some kind (emotional, financial, familial, academic) can promote confidence in a person. But there are also those who have security of one or more kinds and they still doubt themselves. Is that inherent?

Natural confidence is the most disturbing as that is the kind that both creates great leaders who are admired and also corrupts entirely...in the worst case, simultaneously.

Some children are clearly, naturally confident. When I teach ballet classes, I see it often. They always stand in front, always answer questions first (even if they are wrong, it doesn't bother them, if they keep at it, they are right eventually). Their confidence results in them picking up combinations faster and seems to often be paired with a competitive edge; either with others or themselves.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are children in my classes who always stand in the back. They always rely on those in front of them to remember steps even if it is well within their power to memorize it for themselves. They only raise their hand if they know for sure the answer -- and they are visibly disappointed with themselves when they answer incorrectly or mess up a routine. In many cases, they have more raw talent than the confident students, but their constant doubting results in them not trying as hard and they fall behind which reinforces their lack of confidence.

Can these children be taught confidence? And, even if they are, what is to stop the confident individuals from ultimately overpowering them?

What lessons are important to teach naturally confident children?

Chicken Patty on a bun. Tater Tots. Hamburger. French Fries. Mashed Potatoes. Pizza. Spaghetti and meat sauce.

Children in the US keep gaining weight. We're all less active and eating more; a recipe for the next "Biggest Loser" contestant. But what role do schools have in keeping our children healthy? Children attend school 5 days a week for 7 hours on average. That is 35 hours of direct contact with your child.

Schools lunches have often come under fire because schools need to feed a large number of students in a short period of time and that leads to "fast food" type options which are typically high in fat, salt, and cholesterol while low in any nutritional value. Vending machines also pay a role in an unhealthy lifestyle from a young age.

Personally, as a tax payer and concerned citizen, I feel schools have a great responsibility in providing healthy meals and enough physical activity for students. As a future parent, I am prepared to fill the gap by making lunch for my child so that they can bring it and I can be sure they get the nutrition they deserve and need. But I am also interested in reform to extend the "luxury" of nutrition to all public school students.

Here are some ways that schools can begin to turn the nutritional tide for our children:

1. Raise the cost of school lunch to offset the cost of better quality foods

2. Incorporate students into the lunch making process as a "Culinary Arts" class to offset costs of staff

3. Construct a community garden on school grounds that can serve as both an Agricultural and Culinary class, provide volunteer opportunities for students and the community, provide fresh, nutritional food for the cafeteria, and potentially offset costs of food

4. Make bringing lunch to school easier by providing refrigerators and microwaves in cafeterias and/or classrooms for students

5. Encourage classroom lunch rather than cafeteria lunch. This will save time and staff which currently limits healthy eating

6. Introduce foods and nutrition in early elementary education

7. Eliminate or only offer reasonable treats in vending machines

The bottom line is that the nutrition of our children affects their learning and growth. Additionally, it influences longterm health which results in higher health insurance rates as a result of the abundance of hypertension, diabetes, and obesity in the country.

To me, it is ludicrous to accept schools (which your tax money goes towards) feeding our children garbage. It's outrageous and akin to abuse.

What are school lunches like in your neck of the woods?

Everyday you can find stories about children being taught the lesson that rules do not need to be followed.

As a matter of fact, breaking the rules and then defending why you did and weaseling out of any kind of consequence is often touted as a symbol of the "American Way!" and being a unique individual. Parents often defend their children to the point that consequences are revoked or, at the very least, the child receives enormous positive attention for their rule violation.

Examples include violations of dress codes at schools, excuses for aggressive behavior towards others, and pranks that result in punishment.

Adults cry "Individuality" and "Freedom" when these issues arise, but are these really the issues at hand? What is the lesson we are really teaching youngsters? That their freedom and self-expression is highly valued in our culture or that that don't have to follow any rules if they don't want to?

On the one hand, we have parents pushing lawsuits against schools that dare to punish their kids...on the other, we have adults saying that today's kids are on a path to nowhere fast.

We cannot have it both ways.

Do rules have any place anymore? If so, how do we teach kids to stand up for themselves without being disrespectful?

There are so many factors that shape who we are and how we respond to the world around us. One of those factors are, arguably, our family - but of course there are a billion factors that go into our family dynamics as well...one of those is birth order.

Whether you're an only child or if you have siblings, there are said to be predictable characteristics often shared by individuals who had the same birth order.

Only Child: Often enjoys being the center of attention even if they are not particularly outgoing, may refuse to cooperate when they do not get their own way (even later in the work place or relationships),

Oldest Child: Most likely to conform in order to gain approval from others, strives to protect and help others, values being right and in control

Second Child: Develops abilities different than oldest sibling, views things as competition or race, may question self-worth if first child is successful in life

Middle of Three: Perceives life as unfair, is adaptable, is easily discouraged by others

Youngest: Behaves like Only Child, often allies with oldest sibling if the youngest of three, doesn't mind letting others take responsibility or control of situations

Do these descriptions resonate with you and your family? Did you enjoy your family life with the birth order you had?

I have always had an affinity for hydration. I especially love exotic bottles and interesting flavors; teas, sports drinks, soft drinks, and water...I love it all.

I have all, but cut out soda, but I'm still a sucker for a well-designed package and a unique name. I like to try new beverages.

I get cravings for drinks the way some have cravings for chocolate; keeping it on my mind until I can leave work and buy my current favorite....and storing my treasures in the garage where no one can steal from my stash.

Here are some of my all-time favorites:

Stewart's Root Beer

A&W Cream Soda

Anti-Ageing Water - Strawberry Kiwi

Elite Natural Black Mulberry Juice

Honest Ade Superfruit Punch

Arizona Half and Half Tea and Lemonade

Godzilla (whiskey, Mountain Dew, and Lemonade)

Trader Joe's Pink Lemonade

As a child, nothing was more exciting to me than the Christmas Stocking. Perhaps it is the characteristic of a little girl, but I simply loved all of the "little treasures" and how there was seemingly no end to the tiny trinkets! My mom, er, I mean Santa even took the time to wrap even the most minute of stocking gifts, adding to the mystery.

I received socks (pretty ones, multi-colored - often with decorations like bows and ruffles), hair barrettes, tiny nail polishes, the occasional charm for a bracelet, a fancy lollipop, the sacred chocolate Santa, stickers, pretty pencils, tiny stuffed animals, perfume, lip gloss, markers, crayons, bouncy balls, and glitter! A virtual girly treasure trove!

I still like finding trinkets in my stocking if someone remembers to throw in a few.

But it can be a lot harder (and more expensive) to give an adult a virtual treasure trove.

What are your stocking stuffer ideas?

You didn't choose your family. You could not choose your complex genetic make-up which steered your emotions and reactions to the external environment.

You didn't pick your elementary school or high school - you cannot change your IQ.

You didn't choose your gender...and even if you could, there are only two to choose from...not really complete freedom. You cannot choose to be naked in the snow (for very long). You cannot choose to eat without gaining weight or not eat without starving.

You cannot regrow limbs or prevent yourself from growing old.

You are limited by fate, genetics, circumstance, laws, social norms, education, and money.

Free will does not exist.

The other evening, I was watching a TV documentary about Gender and the Brain -- determining the differences in the brain simply based on gender.

In one experiment - they put a baby in a virtually empty room and would then have an individual go in and change the baby's diaper. They gave no other instructions aside from "enter room, change baby's diaper, then we will come back in".

As each individual took their turn, the researchers observed, that (in general) men and women change diapers in a very similar fashion. The behavior after the diaper is change is where there is a difference.

Time after time, when I woman changed the baby's diaper, she would then pick the baby up and bounce or hold them until the researcher came back into the room.

The men, however, would just sort of look around the room awkwardly glancing from the door to the baby until the researcher returned.

But on the 62nd diaper change for the gentleman, a middle-aged man in jeans and a t-shirt, changed the baby's diaper just like everyone before had and then he picked the baby up, even cuddling the baby a bit and talking softly to her. The difference? This was the first man who came in who had children of his own.

So in the debate over Nature Vs. Nurture...when it comes to cuddling babies...both play a role!

What makes a Feminist? Answer this survey and find out if you are a Feminist!

Do you shave your legs?

How often would you say you wear a skirt?

If you are in a relationship - do you maintain separate financial accounts?

How repulsive in the idea of being a stay-at-home mother?

How many pairs of high heels do you own?

How many days a week do you cook?

Do separate your laundry before washing it?

Do you kow the punch line to the joke "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?"?

Have you seen The Notebook, Pretty Woman, Mean Girls, and/or A Walk to Remember?

Do you worry about how you look?

Name one Women's Rights Activist who is still alive.

So, are you a Feminist?

Gone are the days of a simple mouse and his girlfriend in a Red, polka-dot dress. Disney is no longer just princesses and dwarfs, cheery music and happy endings. It has moved into the 21st century with Pixar movies that entertain adults (sometimes even more than children).

The characters are still lovable, the music is still hummable, the colors still vibrant, the stories still childlike, the morals are still American, and the history is still a bit skewed. But Disney can still make a great movie.

What is your favorite Animated Disney movie?

I teach 3 and 4 year old ballet classes and those little ones often provide me with the kind of laughter you simply cannot buy.

Before classes, we have have "share time" which means: tell me or show me something quickly and then zip your lips and pay attention to the teacher!!

Last night, a little girl brought in a stuffed cow. When it was her turn, she passed it around and everyone took a look. As the passed it around, I said:

"What do cows give us?"

Everyone shouted "Milk!!" and there were a few moos. "So smart!" I thought...and then because I love to test my little ones limits, I added...

"And hamburgers." Most of the children either looked at me or ignored me, but the little one next to me tugged my sleeve and asked:

"Ms. Heather, how do cows give us hamburgers?" She looked honestly puzzled and it occurred to me that she was unaware of the slaughter of, what she sees as, adorable mooing cows to create the yummy Happy Meal she eats every Monday night.

"Ask your mom." I told her. And then I laughed all the way home because I think I just passed up an opportunity to make a little vegetarian!

I graduated from a university in 2006 and, of course, made a variety of friends while there. One was my roomie from Junior year - a loudmouthed, sassy, party gal with a killer singing voice and huge boobs. I only mention the boobs because they really defined her (sadly) in a lot of ways. Without getting too technical, there is a term called "precocious puberty" which you can look up if you are bored.

Anyway, she was not really like me who was more quiet and reserved, but we got along swimmingly. Her getting into all kinds of antics and me along for the ride, helping clean up the aftermath. When I met her she had a boyfriend of two years whom she met Freshman year. He was a nice, Southern boy and he (apparently) had mellowed her out. I like him, she loved him, they were very romantic.

But, without making a lot of excuses for her (though I could think of a lot), she ended up cheating on him with a very attractive guy from the basketball team. It was a brutal break-up and she really fell apart for awhile. I encouraged her to forgive herself, learn from her mistakes, and move on.

We didn't keep in close contact after college, only touching base now and again, every few months or so. She moved to NYC to pursue her music career and I moved to Chicago following a business career. Once I got married (she attended the bridal shower and wedding), we talked even less, but still emailed every once in awhile.

That guy that she ruined her relationship over? Well, he came out to see her a couple of times in NYC for some wild sex. I cheered her on, if that was what she wanted. They were both single now. And we laughed like crazy when he ended up proposing to another girl from our school. So that chapter was over.

It was even more "over" when I saw the announcement of his and his wife's baby in our alumni magazine. My friend and I called each other over THAT revelation, squealing -- "Can you believe he's a dad!?"

So time went on...it has been 7 months since I spoke with her. Although, through Facebook she offered her congratulations on my first pregnancy.

So imagine my surprise when I got a call last week, right before Thanksgiving, from my dear, old friend.

I won't waste time with the details. I think you know where it is going.

Our University hosts Alumni Events all over the country and they alert you when one is in your neighborhood. Well, my friend decided to attend one, why not? - they buy you one free drink! And who do you think has a job with the University now? That old, now-married, and father of an adorable 6-month old baby---the hottie that helped destroy the healthiest relationship this woman ever had....

At this point, I sort of knew what she was going to tell me...but I was baffled as to why. I'm pregnant and not feeling great. Why would she call me to tell me?....

She ended up sleeping with him. Several times that night and the sex was great according to her. I recall her mentioning that he kept telling her how he couldn't get certain parts of her anatomy out of his head (see: Precocious Puberty).

In the end, I told her that he was the most to blame. She is single and can do what she wants.

But I also felt like it gave a new definition to her character. And it's not a pretty one.

Maybe his wife is a bitch, but she just had a baby and if she feels at all like me, is a bit self-conscious about her changed body.

We hung up on pleasant terms and she called me yesterday again, but I didn't respond. I didn't have anything positive to say. I know, wait, I think she feels guilty, but I'm just not in the mood to cheer her up if that is the case. And I most definitely don't want to know any more about it.

Is the friendship over?

Pizza is a deliciously universal food. Most kids love it. Most adults love it.

I'm not sure if it is still done, but when I was in school, every Friday was Pizza Day!...as if Friday wasn't already mind-bendingly awesome! As a matter of fact, I think we are groomed to love Fridays from the time we are little: pizza, no homework, prelude to the weekend...

But I digress. Pizza is yummy. Pizza is good. Pizza is dynamic. Pizza can even be healthy -- now who can't appreciate that?

1. Which would you prefer to be real - a Pegasus or a Unicorn?

2. If you could only wear the fashion from one time period besides our own, which would you choose?

3. Have you ever attempted to jump on a Pogo Stick?

4. When you wake up? -- Snooze button? Up right away? Someone has to force you? You lay there until the last possible second, not sleeping or fully awake.

5. Worse: stubbing your toe or a paper cut?

6. When you shower, does your back face the water or your tummy?

7. The Notebook -- good movie or overrated?

8. If you were the opposite gender for 1 day, what would you do?

9. What, besides jelly, does peanutbutter go well with?

10. A cooler name for Jesus.

When it comes to flying, unless it's a private jet, chances are you'll be uncomfortable. Planes are noisy, cramped, stuffy, and filled with people with whom you wouldn't normally associate.

In competition for the most irritating passenger there are babies who cry (and they ALL cry).

I recently became aware that parents do not have to pay for an extra seat for babies under a certain age.

While an extra seat won't make the crying less...at least it will give room for parents to entertain, soothe, and comfort when a baby gets fussy.

So what do you think? Should all babies be required to have their own seat on a plane?

"I'm on a diet."

"I forgive you."

"I love you."

"I'm getting up early tomorrow."

"I do."

"Of course I want kids."

"Get over it."

"I'm going back to school for my Masters."

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

"There's no crying in baseball."

"We're waiting until we're married..."

"I'm going to quit smoking."

"One more time and you're grounded for a year."

"I promise."

Many well-meaning people take great offense at this world, at human society, and the great nastiness that is human nature. We have robbers, rapists, murderers, pedophiles, sadists, and Republicans (just kidding, haha!) and many of us walk around as if this is a gross injustice, some wrong that has thrown off the balance of greatness that is humanity.

But the reality is that humanity is more dark than light - more bad than good. Look back 500, 400, 300, even 50 years ago and what you find can hardly be called "civilized". Even today genocide, war, and famine are every day occurances. More people don't care than do care. More people hate than love. More people would rather passively go about with the status quo than put effort into positive change. And there is definitely more complaining than problem-solving!

But the thing is, who said this world was meant to be happy and positive? If you can find happiness and positivity in this world, why not just consider yourself lucky go on your way?

Why suffer the burden of trying to correct an imbalance that perhaps never even existed? Human society is, as a whole, a disgusting example of life - amplified by our cognition and ability to understand the consequences of our actions and still not care.

At our best, we're selfish, greedy, and arrogant. We literally destroy those who try to rise up and shine a light on the darkness that is humanity. We treat our bodies like trash, feeding it garbage, destroying our environment, and rotting in front of televisions sets. We treat each other like trash, ignoring those in need, finding loopholes in our judicial system, raising bullies, and defending violence.

But it's okay! It's how it has always been! Nothing new here!

While the previous rambling is my belief, I am not bitter. I don't see my life as a mission to change this zebra's stripes. Humanity is on a doomed path to failure at it's own hands. While there are the occasional exceptions to the rule, they only serve to underscore the inherent injustice in this world as they are kicked and abused, scorned and laughed at.

We are, in fact, doomed. Just how it's meant to be.

Around this time is when I begin getting excited for Christmas. There are a variety of celebrations from the most religious to the the most secular. I am not religious anymore, but I grew up going to midnight mass on Christmas Eve and enjoying all of the other secular events that make Christmas fun.

What is your favorite part of the holiday?

If you have a basically decent human being, what drives them to be dishonest? Even the best people walking among us are guilty of an occasional lie, omission, or avoidance - various forms of dishonesty.

When you boil it right down - the reason people are not honest or don't pony up to their dishonesty is a fear of not being forgiven.

If you knew 100% without a doubt that a confession would be met with complete mercy and forgiveness - it would be easy to confess. Confession in church is simple because 1) you know you are forgiven instantly and 2) even if the priest thinks you're an @!$%#, you have no personal interest in his opinion of you so it wouldn't really matter if he didn't really forgive you.

The best way to encourage those around us to be honest is to set a good example of mercy and forgiveness. When you demonstrate your ability to forgive, it makes the people around you more comfortable around you.

Of course we all have "deal breakers" that we feel cannot be overcome. That is expected. But you may find that if you are constantly holding grudges over small matters, those close to you will hold back even more. The risk of being left out in the cold is too high for honesty.

Honesty is expected, but it really it needs to be earned. We all have fragile egos and should respect that it is human nature to protect yours. Therefore, if we want people to be honest with us, we need to be willing to forgive what comes from honesty because if we were all truly honest -- it would become painfully obvious just how imperfect we all are.

Stubbing your toe.

Getting stung by more than 1 bee.

Hitting your shin on the coffee table.

Burning the roof of your mouth on hot pizza.

A paper cut that bleeds.

Overdrawing your bank account.

Waking up late for work/school/your wedding/grandma's funeral.

Running into someone important and forgetting their name.

Realizing your fly is down...at the very end of the day.

Smelling BO and realizing it's you.

Only getting socks for Christmas.

Finding out your spouse is cheating on your with your best friend.

A group of grown politicians who act like fat, greedy babies.

Turbulence on a flight over mountains.

An escaped lion.

A parking ticket.

A pink slip.

A grenade with the pin pulled out.

Finding out someone ate the last of the icecream.

There are some sicknesses that really put you out and 9 hours in a stuffy cubicle with a cube mate that has BO is a much better option than being home sick...say...the stomach flu. There are simply no benefits to barfing - maybe the 5 seconds after barfing when you think "Wow, that's over and I feel better...wait..."

Even explosive diarrhea is better than barfing. I mean, if you have the house to yourself for the day while you recover. You may even lose a pound or two. Explosive diarrhea can be like a celebrity detox with the right circumstances.

So anyway...there are a few sicknesses that qualify for a day out of the office without totally crushing any desire you have to live.

They are: a headache (not a migraine...though you can say that to the HR lady when you call out), a sinus infection, pink eye, a fever, sore throat, and cough. If you have them all at the same time, no good. But if you just get one or two, you can call out sick, pop a few aspirin, and enjoy an afternoon of movies and naps! Maybe eve a hot bath or a bowl of homemade soup!

And oh yeah, don't forget to really milk it for all it's worth once your spouse gets home!

So, what is the best way to be sick?

I awoke at 4 a.m. to a noise I'd never heard before. It sounded like a cat growling. The only one of my three cats I'd ever heard growl was Scarlett, and it wasn't her. And it couldn't be Vashti, who was so unassertive that her meows came out as tiny squeaks. That left Homer, the orphan I'd adopted as a 3-week-old after an eye infection had required the surgical removal of both his eyes.

I now live in Illinois. My family is in New Jersey. For holidays, my husband and I drive to New Jersey to visit. We don't fly because my husband doesn't like it (nor do I actually, but I would fly over driving if it was up to me).

Last year, driving back to Illinois from New Jersey for Thanksgiving, it was cold outside, we were running behind schedule, we had to go to work the following day, there was traffic, and we had managed to get into an awful fight. At that moment, I was really missing my mom and dad, siblings, and cousins after a loving visit...and wondering why I married such a brute as we pulled off the highway for gas.

My husband asked me to get him a cup of coffee and I thought it sounded like a pretty tasty idea. It was one of those stations with a huge convenience store inside -- with lots of different coffees and a wide variety of creamers.

I filled up two cups and put them on a counter they provide where there were little, plastic bins attached to the side of the counter -- holding all kinds of sugar, sweet n low, Equal, Splenda, straws, little coffee coats to protect your hands, creamer, and lids. I grabbed two lids and turned to put them on my two, full-to-the-brim cups, and my fluffy coat knocked them both over!

Milky coffee, poured into 6 of 7 little containers, completely ruining bunches of sugar and other paper products. For some reason, that was a breaking point in a series of unfortunate events. With another 7 hours of driving ahead of me, I clumsily tried to mop up my mess with a wad of napkins, tears making my vision blurry.

A woman who was sweeping came over and dislodged the coffee-covered containers from the side of the counter, hurrying off while saying "Don't worry about it." I finished cleaning the tops of the counter as best I could...marveling at how much 32oz of coffee actually was when you spread it over a surface.

I quickly poured two more cups of coffee, finally able to see clearly as I sucked up my frustration, disgust, and self-pity. I punished myself by now allowing myself to mix creamers (French Vanilla and Hazelnut...no, I didn't deserve it, just plain creamer for me). Then I made the walk of shame up to the counter.

As I was about to get rung up, I said "I need to be charged for 4 cups of coffee 'cause I spilled 2" I said, embarrassed, pointing over to the area where the woman was back, reattaching the cleaned containers.

"Oh no, honey. I don't charge for mistakes." She said, smiling.

What amazing kindness from one person to another, a total stranger to another total stranger, in the middle of nowhere, Indiana. She didn't know how bad my day was going...so she couldn't have known how good it felt to have a little humanity offered to me.

She made my day. And I still wish I had some way to thank her.

"Eeek!!" I yell at the furry spider next to the toilet, jumping onto it for safety. My heart is beating wildly and I have goosebumps. Great, now I'm stranded in the bathroom until my husband comes by to save me. I adjust my feet on the top of the toilet seat...making sure the hairy beast with 8 legs doesn't try anything fancy...like suddenly bolting from my sight and winding up in my towel as I go to dry off from my shower. I call for my husband to COME QUICK!

Suddenly, I imagine my future 4 year old daughter screaming for me to come to her room. Her dad is at work and when I arrive in her bedroom, I see the same furry spider on her wall. What to do?...what to do? Instill her with an irrational fear for the rest of her life? Allow a dime-sized, harmless arachnid to reduce her to a helpless, 18th century maiden? No! I scoop up the spider in a cup, covering it with a piece of paper...show it to her.

"Spiders are good for the environment. They won't hurt you. Isn't he kinda cute?" I'll say. Then I'll take her outside with me and we'll release him. After we read "Charlotte's Web", I'll tuck her into bed...and then shudder as I take a shower, scrubbing the icky spider cooties off of me like it's moldy cheese and feces!!

So I wasn't stranded in the bathroom for 20 minutes. I wasn't reduced to a helpless, 18th century maiden. I'm also not quite a nature-loving hippie just yet so I didn't capture the furry monster, I smooshed him. But, this is definitely one step closer to capture and release. Today I smoosh spiders, tomorrow - who knows?

What kind of example will I set for my future child? It has certainly given me pause to look at my own personality traits and consider those I hope my child can avoid.

I hope he or she can capture spiders with a laugh at everyone around them who is shrieking...telling them how they're "good for the environment" and "nothing to be afraid of".

What I learned thus far was that pretending not to be afraid has pretty much the same result as actually not being afraid...and so -- sometimes -- it's okay to be kind, be brave, be wise, be cautious, be happy, or be forgiving...even if you're just pretending for the moment. Because, sometimes, the end result is more important than a genuine intention.

Late one night, while watching "Unwrapped" (a sort of, where different foods come from type show with a happy spin), I learned that Lays spent an enormous amount of time, manpower, and resources determining the optimal strength required to pull open the tops of the their bags.

"What a ridiculous waste of money," I said aloud to the TV as a plant manager explained the testing process and the average "pull apart" capabilities of the average American. Well, suffice it to say that this little tidbit of information stuck with me.

From then on, anytime I opened a bag of Doritos or Cheetos or SunChips without any problem, I silently thought of that plant manager and all of the effort that went into satisfying my salty cravings.

Nevertheless, I still reasoned it was a waste of money.

However, just last week, I bought a bag of new-age, organic, alfalfa chips with barley juice and sea salt (yummy!) and just as I was about to break in to this holistic treat, I found the package un-openable. I readjusted my grip (probably a fluke I thought) and tried again. No beans.

"What the hell?!" I thought. I tried again, harder. Nothing. One more time, really pulling with all my might and BAM! it suddenly burst open - green and yellow chips scattering on the kitchen floor, alfalfa crumbs covering my shoes.

Truth is...we have very little awareness of the "convenience" factors that are built into our everyday lives. Gas stations at every block, EZ pass tolls, and debit cards are obvious, but companies everywhere take time and money to ensure convenience is just something we accept as a "given".

Okay, maybe the plant manager at Lays has a point...

And it's great to be an American. What a convenience!!

High Heels have been around a long time. Almost as long as women have been oppressed. *awkward silence*

Without getting into the long, boring history of gender roles and shoe wear - let me give you the "high"lights.

First, shoes were historically used a symbol of status (e.g. rich people have shoes, poor people don't). The high heel is credited to Queen Catherine (wife of Henry II of France). She apparantly had the shoe fashioned specifically for her to meet her desire to appear taller though there is evidence that Italians were wearing "raised shoes" (more like platform shoes today), this was the first instance described in which a shoe was given height in only the heel.

Of course, the forever fashion-conscious French caught on to the trend right away (back in the day when royalty dictacted the fads). In those days, men and women wore heels as a symbol of wealth. During the French Revolution, heels fell out of fashion almost entirely (due to their association with Aristocracy). But, in the late 1800's they made a comeback ... for some reason, almost exclusively with women.

So, you see, it can be argued that the high heel really had little or nothing to do with the sexism and female oppresion it is commonly associated with today.

Fast forward and you have the variety of high heels known today: kitten, prism, spool, and the ever-sexy, stiletto.

Recently, I read of the (obvious?) physical complications caused by high heel wearing: tighter calf muscles and shorter achilles tendons. These are pretty unpleasant conditions that, as a ballet dancer, I can tell you will cause unnecessary pain. The solution is pretty simple: 1) stretch your calf muscles before and after wearing high heels and 2) give your feet a break every once in a while and wear flats.

For me, I wear heels nearly everyday to the office in the mornings. I love the way they make my legs look in a skirt and I am on the short side so they make me feel (and look) taller. I never wear anything higher than a 3-inch heel - why? Because I have found that every woman who walks in something higher looks like a T-Rex when she is walking...not pretty. I save the 4-inch heels for the bedroom (when I don't plan on doing a lot of walking *wink wink*).

So, ladies, wear your heels proudly, they aren't a sign of submission (if anything, they make a great, portable weapon for self-defense......and I've found I'm better able to get a man to submit to me while wearing them than the other way around).

Just don't forget to keep the dinosaur walking to a minimum. And stretch those calves!

I am a girl -er- a woman. I am straight. I am a straight woman.

But I have a girl crush.

She is a teacher at the school where I teach ballet. She teaches hip hop. At first, I was just impressed by her ability to bump n' grind whilst all I can do is twirl n' curtsie. "How bad ass she is!" I thought when I saw her warming up for her class. She laughed at me when I said I thought she was bad ass and we got to talking.

Turns out we're the same age and we both grew up on the East Coast. Somewhere in the midst of polite conversation, I noticed she has really nice hair. No biggie, I might wanna ask her what kinda shampoo she uses, I've done that before.

Next week, I watched the end of her class and we swapped advice on how to manage behavior in the pre-teen age group. Those little tarts can be a handful. She introduced me to her boyfriend who had come to pick her up. She told me to come early for my class the following week and she'd teach me some hip hop moves. I told my husband about her and I realized I described her as "pretty".

Then I got to thinking, yeah, she is pretty. She's a Kristen Stewart meets Angelina Jolie meets Tara Alba. I'm a a little envious of her prettiness...

Next week, she shows me some dance moves and tells me I'm a "natural". She laughs a lot and she's super nice. I tell her I'm jealous of her flat abs, she tells me she's jealous of my flexibility. We agree to coach eachother - she'll show me 8 counts of hip hop and then I'll show her 8 counts of ballet. We're friends!!

Yesterday, boyfriend comes and picks her up again and they kiss in front of me and I think 2 things: 1) Awww! That is so cute! and 2) She has kissable lips.

WTF!? I turn red. Stewart/Jolie/Alba look alike asks me if something is wrong. Ummmm....no, I stammer. I just think I might be gay!!

*sigh* of relief when I tell my husband. "You just have a girl crush is all" he says casually.

What's a girl crush?! What if it gets worse?! Maybe I should avoid her....

True Blood, Twilight, and Dracula...okay, maybe not so much Dracula, but vampires are all the rage now.

There is an aspect of the vampire phenomenon that is slightly unflattering for the Feminist Movement: the concept that a woman can resist and be fearful of the advances of a man (in this case, a male vampire), but grow accustomed to or even enjoy the activity from which she initially recoiled.

This concept in women is often referred to as "playing hard to get". The idea that a woman actually wants the advances of a particular man, but "pretends" to resist. Ultimately, she gives into her true desires and gives the man what he initially was asking for (specifically sex in most cases).

The Twilight series is particularly interesting because the vast majority of fans are pre-teen girls. At this age, they are beginning to determine the dynamics between men and women and build a perspective on how they anticipate being treated by and how they anticipate treating the opposite sex.

Of course, this concept is subtle, but it still exists in our society and is reflected in the increased rate in recent years of date or acquantaince rape. Confusing messages are constantly being sent to young boys and girls about what kind of behavior is appropriate with the opposite sex and if there is no other influence in a youngsters life stronger than pop culture - the values pop culture portrays will be adopted by our youth.

Don't even get me started on the fact that the vampire in the Twilight series has the body of a 17 year old, but has actually lived over 100 years. So, in reality, a century old man who happens to be goodlooking becomes sexually active with a girl who is only 17...

That being said, I can't wait till the movie where they actually DO IT comes out!!

Driving to the grocery store yesterday, I was stopped at a red light and there was a girl on the corner - about 10 feet from my car, holding a sign for a car wash fundraiser which was taking place in the parking lot of the Target she was in front of.

Looks like they were raising money for their cheerleading squad and the girl was in a bikini, prancing about. She was a tiny thing and was probably about 14 years old. Maybe 15 and just a skinny little thing.

I was sort of struck at this concept of a bunch of bikini-clad, underage girls, essentially exploiting their sexuality to raise money. I mean, obviously the idea is that people will want their car washed by a bunch of bikini-clad girls, but 14 and 15 year olds!?

What kind of people would be comfortable watching a bunch of underage girls, soaking wet in bikinis, washing their cars? I'd love to contribute to raising money for their school or program, but I find it woefully uninformed and unenlightened to use sex to sell their services and I'm a woman! I can't imagine the perverted man who is pulling up for a car wash! I mean, where are these girls fathers that think this is appropriate for their girls?

So, am I over-reacting or are these corner, car wash, teens totally inappropriate (whether they realize it or not)?

10. When your hand is in my mouth and you're filling a cavity.

9. When I'm in the stall in a public restroom.

8. When no one is there.

7. In the middle of a funeral when the precher just started his sermon.

6. Right after you hear the words "You have the right to remain silent..."

5. When asked "Like my new haircut?!?!"

4. When I just took a bite of my spinach salad.

3. Right when the previews end at the movie theater.

2. When my best friend is in the middle of telling me about her divorce and you are the waiter.

1. When I'm just about to cum...

The oldest profession in the world. Trading sex for money.

Hookers, Whores, Call Girls, Prostitutes. For years, the idea of legalizing prostitution has been tossed around. Those who support the idea say that legalizing and regulating sex trade could help the federal and/or state budgets in terms of taxation and that it would improve the health of the citizens by limiting sexually transmitted diseases.

But prostitution is more a moral issue that a legal one. If prostitution was made legal, would it be a profession you'd hope for you child? Do we honestly believe that any prostitute can feel satisfied and content with her lifestyle? Survey any prostitute on the street today and you'll find it's all broken pasts, abuse, drugs, and insecurity. Even the most well-adjusted girls seem to battle inner demons.

It's akin to the porn industry. Porn is legal, but think to the last porn movie you watched - especially the amateur pornography that is so popular today. Do you imagine those girls are happy? Do you honestly think that, all other circumstances ideal, that that is the life they truly want for themselves?

If prostitution was made legal - do you believe that a woman could be sincerely happy and satisfied with life as a prostitute? If not, do we - as a country - have an obligation to prevent women from getting into the industry - have an obligation to ensure it stays illegal?

If you believe a woman can have a happy, fulfilling, satisfied life as a prostitute, then why isn't it legal?

Unemployment benefit debates, foreclosures, crippling debt, inflation, regulation...

This is the worst recession since the Great Depression. My opinion? It's not bad enough.

From what I can see, iPads are flying off the shelves, cell phones, iPods, luxury cars, name-brand clothes, and reality TV are still the norm. Teens don't seem too concerned about the lack of summer jobs and they still have the cell phone glued to their ears.

Capitalism is great - Consumerism makes the gadgets go round. But it's time to reset things. We have gotten way too far away from the things that make this country great.

So, I am looking forward to the recession getting worse. I can't wait until we start calling it a Depression.

I think I'll start to take notice when my neighborhood - beautiful, clean, and creepily quiet - has children in the yards, playing hide and seek and running through the sprinkler...because mom and dad can't afford high-speed internet and Nintendo Wii.

I'll start to worry when I see clothes hanging on clotheslines and neighbors sitting on porches talking about current events. I'll be concerned when the kids have chores to do and parents take children to the library for books instead of going to the movies to watch talentless actors make millions of dollars to portray superficial nonsense.

I'll speak up when Abercrombie & Fitch goes out of business and when I go to the hair salon and there aren't a dozen tweens in front of me, getting pedicures.

I'll be scared when singers have to sing. Actors have to act. Musicians have to play an instrument. Parents have to discipline.

But, on the inside, I'll secretly be happy. Happy that we have gotten our priorities in order. Thankful that our ducks are in a row....

And then I'll want a god damn raise!!

In the age of the internet, it seems like anything goes. Pornography is about to get it's own domain (.xxx) and girls have never been so liberated.

It's the year of the MILF. It's cougars, cradle-robbers, and teen idols crossing lines.

One thing we all have in common - or will have in common eventually - is that we all have to lose our virginity at some point.

Studies indicate that just as many couples engage in pre-marital sex today as they did in the 50's and appoximately the same about are waiting until they are married. The extremes never change.

It's portrayed in movies as romantic, orgasmic, perfect, gentle, candle-lighted, bliss. But I have yet to meet anyone whose REAL first time was anything other than short, painful, embarrassing, or awkward.

Do you remember your first time? Or was it quite forgettable?

While I was on hiatus from Newsvine, I managed to traumatize myself. It wasn't intentional and I am slowly recovering, but I wanted to share this experience as a cautionary tale.

I realize that it may come off as an over-reaction and I am still trying to grasp why my reaction was so strong.

To summarize the events leading up to the trauma: I was in the basement of my house, totally quiet, and decided to try to create a video with this new software I bought and needed some images. I decided to go with a "dark and moving" theme so I was trying to find photos that demonstrated the pain in the world.

I came across a photo of an event that happened several years ago. I had heard about it, but was not really aware of the details. It was when the radical muslim terrorists had been sending out videos of themselves, sometimes with someone they had captured (mostly Americans). I remember hearing that a video had been released by this group that showed the beheading of an American contractor. I found a photo taken from the video that only showed the terrorists with this man and didn't know much about it so I "googled" his name.

I found the actual video of this particular case: Nick Berg. I clicked the video. I was sort of entralled with the beginning and listened to Nick Berg speaking and then the terrorists saying a whole bunch of stuff which, of course, I didn't understand as it was in Arabic.

Then, I made a mistake: I fast forwarded towards the end and managed to actually witness this man's execution. My reaction was immediate - I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up, my hands started shaking, I felt all at once guilty for watching, sickened by these people who had done this, outraged, I felt pain for Nick Berg's family, and horror for Nick himself. I immediately erased my search history in shame, shut down my comptuer, and ran upstairs.

I had to curl up next to my husband and bury my face in his neck - I couldn't bring myself to speak. He asked me what was wrong, but I knew I couldn't tell him. I didn't want him to know.

I was terrified to have this image in my mind and wishing I could go back and not have seen what I did. I ran to take a shower and it took two weeks before I stopped having nightmares.

I have never seen anything so horrible in my entire life and I have not lived a sheltered life.

Now, I want to share a few words about knowledge, information, and it's distribution:

I don't know if it was morally right or wrong to view the video. I never want ANYONE to see it ever. Let me say now that I BEG you to never seek this video out and NEVER view it. The amount of information in the world that can be easily accessed is incredible and images cannot be erased from the human mind (save for Alzheimer's Disease).

I don't believe in censorship, but as consumers of information, we must act with restraint, forethought, and responsibility in what we expose ourselves to. Since I viewed the video, I felt obligated to learn more about Nick Berg to hopefully compensate for the images I saw with his true humanity. It was definitely helpful and enlightening. I have a different perspective on the whole situation now.

I hope you will take my hard-learned lesson to heart. You cannot un-see something and who wants images of pain, suffering, torture, humiliation, or violence in their mind? I want people to have as many pure, sweet, kind, and innocent images as possible. Don't multiply suffering by searing it into your memory.

We are the accumulation of our memories so make them good.

Relentlesscomedy, of Newsvine, passed from the web-world into the cold, cruel world of reality last week.

Primary cause of death: blunt force trauma to the ego

Contributing factors: Ignorance, immaturity, and probably alcohol...

Memorial contributions may be made to the charity of your choice.

Surviving are his friends............

When I was in 6th grade - we were given the assignment to outline how we would spend the mega-millions lottery that had reached $10,000,000

The rules were that we could only put 1 million in savings and only give 1 million to charity. The rest we had to assign number values to what we would spend it on. In was an in-class assignment and we were given 30 minutes to complete it. Any money left over at the end would be "taken away".

I think it was supposed to give us perspective about how much money that actually was and force us to really think about what is important to us.

So, how would you spend your 10 million dollars?

There was a time in the U.S. and it still exists in many places in the world - where grandparents lived with their children.

Recently, I met my mother-in-law for the first time as she came in from Russia. My husband had not seen her in 13 years. She has a syndrome that causes severe arthritis and despite being only 72, she is in pretty rough shape. Of course, she is very "old school" - she kept poking my ribs and saying I was too skinny to have kids (my husband and I have started trying), she brought me three pairs of socks and a shawl that she had knit, she made dinner every night, brought an entire box of Russian chocolate candies, and admonished anyone who said anything nasty in front of us women.

My husband told me that, in Russia, grandparents essentially raise their grandchildren. Parents have to work and when they come home, they are tired or want to play with the kids so grandparents prepare dinner and wash the clothes.

There are benefits to this way of doing things. Children gain appreciation for the elderly, specifically, their grandparents. Meanwhile, grandparents get to feel useful, needed, and being around children can keep them young. Parents save money on child care. Grandparents save money on a mortgage and possibly a nursing home later in life.

In America, grandparents often live far from their grandkids and grandkids feel awkward and bored around their grandparents. In Russia, grandparents are a playmate for many years. And they are not alone.

I have to say, it was enjoyable to sit around the table in the evening, eating tradional Russian foods, hearing stories about the old Soviet Union. I couldn't see how it would be bad to have our children exposed to this way of home life.

Maybe we're missing this concept in America. Why can't grandparents be a more integral part of raising our families?

I worked at a funeral home for almost two years and one of my duties was writing obituaries. It can be quite a literary challenge to encapsulate someone's life in one paragraph, but I always enjoyed creative writing. In my time at the funeral home, I wrote 264 obituaries; men, women, children, and babies; the very old to the very young.

The greatest responsibility as an obituary writer is to include the information that really reveals something about the deceased individual. That can be hard to do when family members are tongue tied, quiet, and in pain. Many times, the individual would have left a "life story" and I could pull from that. Of course, I always tried to be sensitive to the fact that the family would have to pay by the character for it to run in the newspaper.

So, without further ado, I'll give an example of the format an obituary follows. Perhaps as you read it, you can consider your own "life story" and how you would be summarized in a paragraph:

Jane Doe, (age), of (current city of residence), passed away on (day, month, day, year) at (place) *(add details if accidental; e.g. from injuries sustained in a car accident)*.

Jane was born on (date of birth) in (place of birth); the daughter of (parents names). She married (husband's name) on (date) in (place). He preceded her in death in (year of death)

***Here two paragraphs can be added that make up the deceased individual's life story; I'll provide an example***

Jane attended St. Mary's Cathedral Church and was a member of the Catholic Rosary Society. She was a devoted mother and proud grandmother. Jane and Bob enjoyed travelling and had visited 12 countries including China, Ireland, France, Italy, and Costa Rica. Jane could speak three languages and was currently teaching her youngest granddaughter French. A beloved school teacher, Jane taught first grade at Christ the King Catholic Church for 30 years before retiring when she became a talented gardener, supplying tomatoes and cucumbers to the entire neighborhood. She will be greatly missed by all of her family.

Jane is also preceded in death by (name any children first, then any grandchildren, then parents, then siblings, etc)

She is survived by (name spouse if surviving first, then children, then grandchildren, then parents if surviving, then siblings, aunts/uncles, nieces/nephews, cousins, any friends followed by their current city of residence)

A visitation will be held from (times) on (date) at (place) with (clergy) officiating.

A funeral mass will be held at (date and times).

Burial will follow at (cemetery name) OR In accordance with Jane's wishes, cremation will follow services.

Memorial contributions may be made to (charity of family's choice).

Please visit (list online address for electronic version of the obituary) to leave your condolences.

So, that's it. The end of one's life in a nutshell. For some, these are just formalities that are not important, but when you have just lost your mother, best friend, sister, brother, husband, wife - the details are important and sharing their life with other becomes a priority.

The stories I learned certianly opened my eyes to the fact that everyone is interesting and so very unique. I never heard a boring life story through the eyes of someone who loved that life.

The world is full of possibilities! How is that humans can so easily accept movies about Superheroes - flying, leaping over buildings, stopping trains with one finger! I like to think we're all a Superhero on the inside; attractive, strong, needed, and admired by all.....

Here are some of the classics:

Flying - just jump up and shoot your fist in the direction you want to go!

Mind-reading - what are those ladies thinking?

See the future - And the winning lottery numbers are...

Morph - If I could...just...squeeze...*BAM* you're a snake, a spider, a monkey, a hot chick, the president, and back in time for dinner!

Super-human Strength - lift cars off of babies, stop subways before they crush your grandma!

Telekinesis - No need to get up and grab the remote when you can draw it in with your eyes!

Accelerated healing - Gun shot? Stab wound? *whooosh!!* healed over in just a second!

Invisibility - Now you see me, now you don't

X-Ray Vision - Well, hellloooo, nurse!

Mind control - you want to make me pierogies for dinner, extra sour cream!

Immortality - Death hath no more power over him

So what superpower would you want?

What was your wedding song?

Why did you choose that song?

...more importantly, did your marriage last? =)

Our wedding song was "This Year's Love" by David Gray.

Will we last? Only time will tell...

I used to think that reccuring nightmares only happened in movies where the main character is significantly traumatized and the recurring nightmare serves as a dramatic build-up to the victim's ultimate resolution.

I began having a reccuring nightmare in my mid-teens and continue to have it to this day. To add insult to injury, I recently discovered that I am not unique. My recurring nightmare is apparently one of the three most common recurring nightmares in Americans.

The nightmare? My teeth are falling out.

Now, let me explain further: the nightmare is not exactly the same everytime in the sense that I may be in different locations, with different people, it might be daytime or night time; I could be dressed up or casual. I have had this nightmare in nearly every conceivable situation.

There are elements that are always the same:

1. Several of my teeth are loose and bleeding
2. I recall that I have had this nightmare before and now it's "really happening"
3. I keep removing a loose tooth or spitting it out and thinking "this is the last one", but I always find another is loose
4. I am always having a conversation with someone and trying not to let them see my distress
5. It begins with general discomfort which leads to being disturbed, and culminated in panic which wakes me

Here is what some experts have to say:

Nightmares also tend to have common, recurring themes. According to a recent survey by Travelodge, the three most common themes in nightmares are:

•being chased (While adults generally dream about being chased by a man, children dream of being chased by a threatening animals or a made-up figure.)
•falling
•having your teeth fall out.

Currently, I have this nightmare about once or twice a month. I have never been able to pinpoint a cause (e.g. I don't drink or feel more stressed out, my bedtime ritual is normally the same, etc). In addition, my teeth are straight (thanks, Dr. Bray), clean, and while I had a few cavities as a kid, they are in tip top shape now.

So, nightmares that happen again and again - do you have a recurring nightmare?

Any dream interpreters want to share their wisdom?

I teach a Creative Movement class to ten little girls on Thursday nights. Before we begin, we make a circle and have "Share Time".

Share time is 30 seconds to tell us something about your life since we saw you a week ago. After Share Time, the little ones zip their lips and if they talk out of turn during class, I remind them that we already had Share Time and they can save that story for next week.

But I digress...yesterday, Share Time brought up a few pearls of wisdom:

Me: What would you like to share with us, Sara?
Sara: I'm going on a class trip tomorrow.
Me: Wow. That's great, where are you going?
Sara: The ocean I think (we live in the mid-West so I need to know more...)
Me: Hmm...the ocean, huh? Are you going somplace to swim?
Sara: I can't swim in the ocean, it has sharks.
Me: Well, you can still swim there, sharks won't bother you.
Sara: Miss Heather, sharks are not like puppies, you can't pet them.

No, Sara, sharks are not like puppies. How can you argue with that?

What wisdom have children shared with you?

How can a fit 25 year old woman and 45 year old man find themselves in the midst of a crumby sex life? I'm certainly no 10, but my years of ballet training left me fit and very flexible - combined with the 20 year age difference - I never thought I would find myself in a sexless marriage (defining sexless as once every two or three weeks).

Miserable, lonely, and having exhausted all options, I turned to therapy looking to be comforted by confirming I was the victim in this situation and my husband was an insensitive jerk. Instead, I learned I probably created a monster by...you guessed it, faking my orgasms.

Let me be more specific, I orgasm fairly easily. I bring myself to orgasm several times a week. My husband and I have been together since I was 18 (25 now, you do the math), but I have never been able to reach orgasm through penetrative sex. Never. Ever. Now, don't get me wrong, I loooove having sex with myself, it feels wonderful. We have tried nearly everything in the book, but I still have only gotten close. And getting close was years ago. Within the last two years, I don't even get close.

But I have never told him. Never. Ever. As far as he is concerned, he thinks he is an orgasm-giving god.

It's hard to say why I have been lying. I started out bold faced lying - I was only 18 and never had sex before so I didn't expect to be able to orgasm right away. He was good at delivering foreplay and I was confident, in time, I would learn to relax enough to acheive an orgasm. Unfortunately, anyone who has had Psychology 101 can guess what happened. He gradually reduced the amount of foreplay. I kept lying about orgasming. The reduction in foreplay was so gradual, that I didn't realize it was disappearing.

Now, there is no foreplay at all. And while I don't outright lie (I'm coming!!!!), I act as if I am satisfied. So, BAM! There it is. The rotten sex life is my fault. He thinks I'm satisfied and when I suggest I want more sex than we're having, he assumes I'm some sex addict (after all, I had a phenomenal experience the last time...albeit, two weeks ago).

Sure, he appears to have a low libido, I won't pretend to understand why because he won't discuss it with me at all. He is very healthy, active, and a dashingly good looking guy with a sexy accent to boot.

So, now I've reached a crossroads. If anything is to change, I'll have to confess that I have lied about orgasms...for...our entire relationship. That could be a crushing reality for us. He could feel betrayed. I would.

But if I don't tell him, I should then accept the awful sex life we're having and continue to be miserable and lonely...that too may crush our marriage. It definitely feels that way as I find myself fidning more and more justifications for infidelity.

Am I alone in faking orgasms? I'm sure I'm not as it gets discussed a lot. But surely most women don't let it get as bad as I have? Shouldn't he be able to tell at least a little bit? I mean, if not, maybe I should consider becoming an actress, right?

Well, this is the part where you weigh in....

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It gets your metabolism going and prevents you from snacking (sure, okay).

What do Newsviners eat for breakfast?

You are her anchor and my water.

Drip. Drip. Dripping on the crisp papers where my
Life plans are written.
Finding secret crevices and drowning out the pain.
You are her anchor and my water.
You hold her steady, but you rock me relentlessly, unknowingly.
Sometimes, it comforts me, but mostly it scares.

You are the waves and rain.
I am a faucet and drain -- you come from me, go through me.

And always back to her.

"What a lame ass movie this is...22 freakin' dollars for this @!$%#? She said it was about vampires - aren't vampires supposed to be scary?...not some dopey high school kid with mood swings?...I shoulda...wait...is that her hand?......damn it is her hand!"
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Kids are finally in bed. What a long, miserable day. Sheets are clean though, that's nice. Man, I'm wide awake!! Stupid, stupid, stupid...
"How about a massage, honey?"
A massage? What's that? ...Oh yeah...man, that feels good...alright, alright, I'll take off my shirt....
Oooo...I love it when he kisses me there...and there. Oh! I don't know...I'm so tired...
"Kiss my neck." Yeah, that feels good. Mmmm...glad I remembered to brush my teeth....
_______________________________

Foreplay. Sometimes it's subtle, a quick kiss, a brush of his fingers against your cheek. Sometimes, it's obvious, a grab your face - make you weak in the knees kiss; a firm grasp of your waist and dirty talk that only you can hear. Sometimes, it's has nothing to do with sex - he surprised you by washing the dishes, the kid's are at grandma's, or she surprises you at the office for lunch, ahem, lunch I said!

Once you get the green light, a lot of people jump right to the finish line. But what happened to getting it in gear? Fastening your safety belt? Settting the radio? There is a lot more to forplay than just getting the other person to agree to take it off.

Everyone has a favorite spot to tease. Do you know your partner's favorite spot(s)? Is it a kiss, lick, pinch, or touch that does it? How much attention does their body need before you can know you'l reach your destination?

If foreplay is a race, I intend on coming in last place.....

When spectators began filing out of the courtroom, Skinner wept.

"I think she's holding up very bravely, considering everything that's occurred," Noll said. "She's been suffering from chronic heart problems, and we are always concerned about her physical well-being, with all the stress that she's under.

"She's a fine Christian woman."

"She kept repeating the F-word to me, about the whole family. She just went on and on, and I just got so upset, I got up and slapped her across the face," she told WTSP-TV.

Oxymoron - A figure of speech that combines normally contradictory terms. The word Oxymoron is Greek for "sharp dull" (its own oxymoron).

Here are some of my favorites:

Compassionate Conservative
Perfect Storm
Clean Coal
Congressional Responsibility
Educational TV
Bad health
Hell's Angels
Hot water heater
just war
liquid smoke
mercy killing
married life
minor crisis
non-stop flight
practical joke
partially destroyed
pretty ugly
Republican Party
victimless crime

Sometimes, they speak for themselves. Sometimes, they need clarification. Often, they are accepted without question.

What oxymorons do you most appreciate?

They come in all shapes and sizes, pink ribbons have made it okay to look, they are enlarged, reduced, under-wired, taped, pushed up, strapped down, and some other unmentionable things.

They give us confidence, destroy our confidence, hell, they can actually kill us! We see them everywhere. We're asked to flaunt them. We're criticized if we flaunt them. Every other person has them. Every other person wants to touch them.

They are known by many names, but only one I feel comfortable typing on the Vine...

Boobs! And while they are as varied as the women who own them, it often comes down to two categories: big and small.

In the "big" corner we have back aches, ugly bras, and the taunts of high school boys.

In the "small" corner we have baggy tops, the bruised ego, and...the taunts of high school boys.

So, while we're all having them poked and prodded. Who has it worse? The girls with boobs that are too big or the girls with boobs that are too small?

And, while we're at it, what is the "right size".

Actually, what's the big deal with boobs anyway?

What are the similarities between the political Tea Party we have the in the U.S. and the Mad Hatter's Tea Party from Alice in Wonderland? Here is Disney's version of Lewis Carroll's classic. How many similarities can you find?
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March Hare & Mad Hatter: No room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room!

Alice: But I thought there was plenty of room!

March Hare: Ah, but it's very rude to sit down without being invited!

Mad Hatter: I say it's rude. Its very very rude, indeed! Hah!

Dormouse: Very very very rude, indeed...

Alice: Oh, I'm very sorry, but I did enjoy your singing and I wondered if you could tell me...

March Hare: You enjoyed our singing?

Mad Hatter: Oh, what a delightful child! Hah! I'm so excited, we never get compliments! You must have a cup of tea!

March Hare: Ah, yes indeed! The tea, you must have a cup of tea!

Alice: That would be very nice. I'm sorry I interrupted your birthdayparty... uh, thank you.

March Hare: Birthday? Hahaha! My dear child, this is not a birthdayparty!

Mad Hatter: Of course not! Hehehe! This is an unbirthdayparty!

*Happy Unbirthday song*

Mad Hatter: Clean cup, clean cup! Move down!

Alice: But I haven't used my cup!

March Hare: Clean cup, clean cup, move down, move down, clean cup, clean cup, move down!

Mad Hatter: Would you like a little more tea?

Alice: Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more...

March Hare: Ahh, you mean you can't very well take less!

Mad Hatter: Yes! You can always take more than nothing!

Alice: But I only meant that...

Mad Hatter: And now, my dear, something seems to be troubling you. Uh, won't you tell us all about it?

March Hare: Start at the beginning.

Mad Hatter: Yes, yes! And when you come to the end, hehehe, stop! See?

*Alice upsets the mouse*

March Hare: See all the trouble you've started?

Alice: But really, I didn't think...

March Hare: Ah, but that's the point! If you don't think, you shouldn't talk!

Mad Hatter: Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down, move down, move down!

Alice: But I still haven't used....

Mad Hatter: Move down, move down, move down, move down...

Mad Hatter: Come, come my dear. hehehe! Don't you care for tea?

Alice: Why, yes, I'm very fond of tea, but...

March Hare: If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!

Alice: Well, I've been trying to ask you...

March Hare: I have an excellent idea! Let's change the subject!

Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Alice: Riddles? Let me see now. Why is a raven like a writing desk?

March Hare: Careful! She's stark raving mad!

Alice: But- but it's your silly riddle! You just said...

March Hare: How about a nice cup of tea?

Alice: A nice cup of tea, indeed! Well, I'm sorry, but I just haven't the time!

March Hare: The time, the time! Who's got the time?
______________________________________________________

Alice in Wonderland Characters invade America:

Alice - the general public; the Tea Party is a weird world where nothing means what you think it means. The partiers claim you're invited while insulting your sensibilities. They have a lot to say, but what they say has little basis in reality

The Caterpillar - Keith Oberman, Jon Stewart, Colbert, your friends at the pub: If you're lost in Wonderland and feel like you're the only sane one left in the country, these characters will help you navigate through this twisted world. With a laugh, a jab, and a harsh look at all the maddness they tell the truth and don't care who it offends!

Cheshire Cat - Darla Dawald and all those partiers! Folks like these know the rules of Wonderland. They appear, disappear, and reappear wherever they're "needed" or it suits their purpose. Pay attention and they'll tell you the rules and regulations of their world. They don't always make sense, but damn it if they're not consistent!

Mad Hatter - Michael Steele, Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh: Mad, cult-like followers who spout what seems like nonsense. Ask one of the Cheshire cats to interpret, it all makes sense to them!

Queen of Hearts - Sarah Palin: The violent, aggressive tyrant of Wonderland. Don't cross her or it's "Off with your head!!"

White Rabbit - The democrats and Obama: Keep following these folks and you'll eventually get out of Wonderland. The white rabbit is the only one brave enough to stand up to the Queen of Hearts.

The term 'escapism' is reserved for those who take excessive time away from real life to the point at which they seem to be trying to escape from it. Traditionally regarded as extreme, escapism is in fact increasingly the norm for many people.

I was thrilled to learn about the concept of Escapism. To me, it is the savvy, sexy, dolled-up version of procrastination. I find the world we live in, this country, the politics, violence, hatred, ignorance, economy, and latest diet trends to be exhausting and frustrating.

I found out early in my life that I was not good at "dealing" with the stress and the only way to escape from it was, well, to escape from it.

Here are my top Escapism teachniqes:

1. Ballet. When I practice, I employ an active imagination. From simple plies at the barre to grandiose fouettes in center - I have always imagined my secret lover whom I respect and admire is watching me in the audience. Someone I want to impress, but cannot touch in any way except with my movements. I used to be told often to "not look in the mirror so much" -- but I'm not looking in the mirror, I'm looking through it.

2. Violin. For me, the violin is really a Ballet 2.0. I am not a very skilled player, but it was a skill I never thought I would master and regretted not starting sooner. My teacher never understood why I didn't want to do a performance (I had stagefright and you cannot play violin with shaking hands). Now that I'm all grown up and no longer take lessons, my basement has great acoustics and the hot water heater is my riveted audience. I love the violin so very much - as I always say - half way between my heart and my head.

3. Sex. More specifically, orgasms - multiple orgasms. Once every other month, when I get an entire day to myself, I can waste it away with myself; a hot bath, a comfy bed, clean sheets, and two AA batteries of course....

4. Movies. A totally dark room, big screen tv, and an interesting plot. Unlike some people who need to stop for bathroom breaks, snacks, or to blink -- I am a truly devoted movie fanatic. Comedies, romance, drama, tragedy, time period pieces, sci-fi, independent films, and musicals. There is something intriguing in most genres I've tried.

5. Kirigami. The art of cutting thin, folded paper. Like the snowflakes you used to make in elementary school, nothing gets your mind more connected to the present moment....than trying to cut 100 tiny diamonds into a post-it sized piece of tissue. Makes politics seem relaxing! And a great reminder that Escapism doesn't have to be stress-free

Everyone needs to Escape now and then. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my life away. Other times I feel like I am living the life of my dreams.

How do you escape?

People like Tiger Woods and Jesse James are court jesters. They have a very sweet deal provided to them by the citizens of the US. The deal is that they entertain us and we, in turn, provide them with outrageous salaries and luxurious life styles. The entertainment they provide us ranges from playing games to simply being fun to look at.

When you are a court jester getting to live the life of a king, the least you need to do is act with some sliver of humility and/or gratitude. The behavior of Tiger Woods suggests actually the exact opposite of humility and/or gratitude. It is the behavior of someone who feels arrogant, entitled, smug, and manipulative.

The only thing Tiger does is hit a little ball with a stick and try to put it in a hole. For this, he gets millions upon millions of dollars. With this money he can do anything. And if he wanted to blow it all wastefully on cars, houses, vacations, jewelry, and clothes - fine by me. Tiger chose to get married and, even more, have children. He chose not to enjoy his millions blissfully with his family - he chose to publically humiliate his wife and subject his children to what will be at least several months of therapy and/or a memoir recounting their strange and twisted childhood that damaged them as the public cheered on their emotionally abusive father.

Lets accept the fact that people make mistakes, we are flawed and shallow. Okay, Tiger cheats on his wife....I'll even look past the fact that it was multiple affairs....and that he probably had no intention of stopping until he got caught....and that he certainly had no intention of apologizing for anything unless he was caught. Okay, I'll let those things go. But the fact is that he was caught.

An honorable person would do one of two things: 1) Say "Yep, that's right, I did it...and it was effing awesome. I'm freaking Tiger Woods! I've made a billion dollars playing a god damn game! I'll do whatever the hell I want!" or 2) said "I'm sorry, so sorry." and then never put himself in the media glare again - focusing on healing his family instead. They are, after all, well off enough that he or Elin never need to work another day again.

Instead, he pretends to be concerned about his family and then shows up in his clown costume just a few months later to try to entertain us again. The most pathetic thing of all? Cheering fans. Seriously folks, this guy spits on his marriage, gives the finger to his kids, and then laughs right in your gawking face and you applaud him? Are you so devoid of entertainment in your life that you need to be amused by garbage?

Tiger loves golf. Great, he could play golf everyday for the rest of his life if he wanted to. He did not need to come back and play in the Masters. He is a joke....but those pathetic losers who actually want to watch him play? They are the punchline.

Being a celebrity in the US is a privledge that the public offers to a lucky individual to live a life of gluttony, it's not a right. But this court jester has the public convinced that they work for him. He works for us. He is a clown that gets paid a lot of money to do essentially nothing but play a game. And he shouldn't be so lucky.

Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner (2005) wrote, Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything. They explored the data of California's birth records which included demographic data that sheds light on how people choose names and other interesting correlations. Levitt and Dubner posed the question, "So does the name you give your child affect his life? Or is it your life reflected in his name?...and most importantly, does it really matter (p.165)?"

Most Common Low-End White Girl Names (Levitt 2005)

1.Amber
2.Heather
3.Kayla
4.Stephanie
5.Alyssa